I’ve Been Scammed on a Dating Site: What to Do Now

Realising you’ve been the victim of a romance scam is devastating. You may have lost money, sometimes a great deal of it. But the emotional loss can hurt just as much: the person you trusted, the future you imagined, and the feeling of having been deceived. Many people also feel deep embarrassment and blame themselves.

If this has happened to you, please know that it isn’t your fault. Romance scammers are organised criminals who use practised scripts and psychological techniques designed to build trust. They target people of every age, background and level of education, and they’re very good at what they do.

This guide explains exactly what to do next, in order: how to stop further losses, how to report the scam, how to try to get your money back (including the UK reimbursement rules for bank transfers), how to protect yourself from follow-up “recovery” scams, and where to get support.

Step 1: Stop contact and further payments

The first step is to stop the scam going any further. Scammers often increase their pressure when they sense doubt, with new emergencies, emotional appeals or threats.

• Don’t send any more money, gift cards, cryptocurrency or bank details, even if you’re promised the money will be returned.
• Stop replying. You don’t need to tell them you’ve realised it’s a scam. Many people find it easier to simply stop responding.
• Don’t confront them. It can lead to threats, manipulation or new stories designed to draw you back in.
• Block them on the dating app, messaging apps, social media, email and phone, but only after you’ve saved the evidence (see step 4).

If the scammer has threatened you, for example by threatening to share intimate images, don’t pay. Paying rarely stops the demands. Report it to the police, and see the section on sextortion below.

Step 2: Contact your bank or payment provider immediately

Call your bank as soon as possible. In the UK, you can dial 159 from most phones to be connected securely to your bank’s fraud team. This service covers most major UK banks and building societies. You can also use the number on the back of your card.

Tell them:

• that you’ve been the victim of a romance scam;
• the dates and amounts of every payment you made, and how they were made (bank transfer, card, cash, crypto or gift cards);
• the details of the accounts you sent money to, if you have them.

Your bank may be able to stop pending payments, contact the receiving bank to try to freeze funds, and start a reimbursement claim. They’ll also be able to secure your account if you’ve shared personal or banking details.

If you paid by card, ask about a chargeback or a claim under section 75 of the Consumer Credit Act (for credit card purchases between £100 and £30,000). These routes don’t always apply to scams, but they’re worth asking about.

Step 3: Understand your right to reimbursement

Since 7 October 2024, new rules from the Payment Systems Regulator (PSR) mean that banks and payment firms in the UK must reimburse most victims of authorised push payment (APP) fraud. An APP scam is where you’re tricked into sending money yourself, which is how most romance scams work.

The key points:

• What’s covered: payments made by Faster Payments or CHAPS from a UK account to another UK account. Most online and mobile bank transfers use Faster Payments.
• How much: up to £85,000 per claim.
• Time limit: you need to report the scam to your bank within 13 months of the last payment.
• Excess: your bank may deduct an excess of up to £100. Banks can’t apply the excess to customers considered vulnerable.
• Speed: banks should usually reimburse within five business days, although this can be extended to 35 business days in some cases where the bank needs more information.
• Vulnerable customers: banks must take vulnerability into account. If you were in a vulnerable situation, for example because of bereavement, illness or loneliness, tell your bank.

A bank can refuse reimbursement in some situations, for example if it believes you acted with “gross negligence” (a high bar) or if you were involved in the fraud. If your claim is refused, ask for the decision in writing.

What isn’t covered

The PSR reimbursement rules don’t cover every type of payment. They generally don’t apply to:

• payments made by card (though chargeback or section 75 may help);
• cash, gift cards or vouchers;
• cryptocurrency purchases where you transferred crypto yourself;
• international payments to accounts outside the UK;
• payments made before 7 October 2024 (older cases may fall under the previous voluntary code, so still ask your bank).

Even if your payment isn’t covered, report it anyway. The bank may still be able to help, and it helps build the evidence against the criminals.

Step 4: Gather and keep the evidence

Evidence helps your bank, the police and the dating site. Before you block anyone or delete anything, save as much as you can.

• Screenshots of their profile on the dating site and any social media.
• All messages, including on WhatsApp, text, email and dating apps. Many apps let you export a chat.
• Phone numbers, email addresses and usernames they used.
• Photos they sent you. These are often stolen from someone else.
• Payment records: bank statements, transfer confirmations, receipts for gift cards, crypto transaction IDs.
• Names and account details of anyone you sent money to, including third parties they asked you to pay.
• A timeline. Write down when you met, when they first asked for money, and each payment. It helps to do this while it’s fresh.

Keep everything in one folder, on paper or on your computer, and make a backup copy.

Step 5: Report the scam

Reporting matters, even if you don’t think you’ll get your money back. It helps the police build a picture of organised criminal groups and can help protect others.

Where to report

• England, Wales and Northern Ireland: report to Report Fraud, online or by phone on 0300 123 2040. Report Fraud replaced Action Fraud as the national reporting service in December 2025.
• Scotland: report to Police Scotland by calling 101.
• If you’re in immediate danger or someone is threatening you, call 999.

You’ll usually receive a crime reference number. Give this to your bank.

Report to the dating site or app

Report the profile to the dating site or app you met on. Most have a “report” button on the profile or in the chat. This helps them remove the scammer and other fake profiles linked to them.

Report suspicious messages and numbers

• Scam texts: forward them to 7726 (spells “SPAM” on a keypad) free of charge.
• Scam emails: forward them to the National Cyber Security Centre’s reporting service at report@phishing.gov.uk.
• Social media: report the profile using the platform’s own reporting tools.

Step 6: Secure your accounts and identity

Romance scammers often collect personal information that can be used for identity fraud. Take these steps to protect yourself:

• Change your passwords, especially for email, banking and any account you shared details of. Use a different password for each account.
• Turn on two-step verification for your email, banking and social media.
• Check your credit report for applications you don’t recognise. You can do this free with the main UK credit reference agencies.
• Consider Cifas Protective Registration. For a fee, Cifas can add a warning to your credit file so that lenders carry out extra checks before approving applications in your name.
• Tell your bank if you shared card numbers, account details, PINs or security codes, or if you allowed anyone to access your computer remotely.
• If you downloaded software at the scammer’s request, such as a remote access app or an “investment” platform, get your device checked and remove it.

Step 7: Watch out for recovery scams

This is very important. People who have been scammed are often targeted again by “recovery” scammers. These criminals may:

• claim to be from a law firm, a government agency, the police or a “fund recovery” company;
• say they can trace and recover your money, for an upfront fee;
• know details about your case, because they’re part of the same criminal network or have bought your details;
• pressure you to act quickly.

Genuine organisations won’t ask you to pay a fee to recover money lost to fraud. The police and Report Fraud don’t charge victims. If someone contacts you out of the blue offering to recover your money, treat it as a scam, hang up and report it.

Step 8: If you’re being threatened with intimate images (sextortion)

Some romance scams involve persuading victims to share intimate photos or videos, then threatening to share them unless money is paid. This is a crime, and it’s not your fault.

• Don’t pay. Payment rarely stops the threats, and often leads to more demands.
• Stop contact and don’t engage with the threats.
• Keep evidence of the threats.
• Report it to the police (101, or 999 if you’re in immediate danger) and to the platform.
• Get support. The Revenge Porn Helpline supports adults in the UK whose intimate images have been shared or threatened without consent, and can help get images removed.

If your bank refuses to reimburse you

If your bank turns down your claim or offers only partial reimbursement, you have options.

1. Ask for the decision in writing, with the reasons.
2. Make a formal complaint to the bank. Explain why you disagree, and mention any circumstances that made you vulnerable at the time, such as bereavement, illness, isolation or financial pressure.
3. Go to the Financial Ombudsman Service. If you’re not happy with the bank’s final response, or it hasn’t responded within eight weeks, you can refer your complaint to the Financial Ombudsman Service. It’s free to use and independent. You don’t need a claims management company or a solicitor to do this.

Be wary of companies offering to handle your complaint for a percentage of any money recovered. You can do it yourself for free, and the Ombudsman’s website explains the process clearly.

Coping with the emotional impact

Romance fraud is often described as a double loss: the money, and the relationship. Many victims say the emotional side is the hardest part. You may feel:

• grief for a person and a future that turned out not to exist;
• shame, embarrassment or anger with yourself;
• anxiety about money;
• difficulty trusting people, including friends and family;
• loneliness, especially if the relationship filled a lot of your time.

These feelings are normal. It can help to:

• Talk to someone you trust. Many people keep the scam secret out of embarrassment, which makes it harder to cope.
• Contact Victim Support. It offers free, confidential support to victims of crime in England and Wales, whether or not you’ve reported it to the police. In Scotland, Victim Support Scotland provides similar help.
• Speak to your GP if you’re struggling to sleep, eat or cope with daily life, or if you’re feeling very low.
• Be kind to yourself. Scammers are skilled professionals. Falling for one says more about their skill than about your judgement.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed or unsafe, call NHS 111 or, in an emergency, 999. Samaritans are available 24 hours a day on 116 123.

Telling family and friends

Many people worry about telling their children or friends. They fear being judged, or that others will think they can’t manage their own affairs. In practice, most families are more concerned about you than about the money.

• Choose one person you trust to tell first.
• Explain what happened simply and factually.
• Tell them what you’ve already done (called the bank, reported it) and what help you’d like.
• If you’re worried about being treated differently, say so.

If you’re a family member supporting someone who has been scammed, listen without criticising, help with practical steps like calling the bank and reporting, and watch out for recovery scams, which often target people soon after the first scam.

If you’re not sure it’s a scam

Sometimes people are still in contact with the scammer and aren’t certain it’s a scam. Warning signs include:

• they’ve never video called, or video calls are always blurry or cut off;
• they’ve never met you in person, and plans to meet always fall through;
• they work overseas, on an oil rig, in the military, as a doctor with an aid organisation or as an engineer;
• they’ve asked for money, gift cards, crypto or help with a payment;
• they asked you to keep the relationship secret, or to invest money through a platform they recommended;
• a reverse image search shows their photos belong to someone else.

If several of these apply, stop sending money and talk to your bank on 159 before doing anything else. Our guides to romance scam messages and how to spot a romance scam on WhatsApp explain the common scripts in detail.

Dating again after being scammed

Many people who have been scammed feel they’ll never trust anyone again. That’s understandable. But many go on to date safely and meet genuine partners. When you feel ready:

• Video call early, within the first week or two.
• Meet in person within a few weeks, in a public place.
• Never send money to someone you haven’t met, and be cautious about lending money even to someone you have.
• Keep conversations on the dating app until you’ve met.
• Tell a friend about anyone new you’re talking to.

Our guide to dating app scams targeting over-50s covers safe dating in more detail.

Your checklist

1. Stop contact and payments.
2. Call your bank on 159.
3. Save all evidence.
4. Report to Report Fraud (0300 123 2040) or Police Scotland (101).
5. Report the profile to the dating site.
6. Secure your accounts and check your credit file.
7. Ignore anyone offering to recover your money for a fee.
8. Get support, and tell someone you trust.

Frequently asked questions

Can I get my money back after a romance scam?

Often, yes, if you paid by bank transfer from a UK account. Since 7 October 2024, most victims of APP scams via Faster Payments or CHAPS are entitled to reimbursement up to £85,000, as long as you report it within 13 months. Other payment methods have different rules.

How long do I have to report a scam to my bank?

Under the PSR reimbursement rules, you must report within 13 months of the last payment. But report as quickly as you can.

What if I paid in gift cards or crypto?

These payments aren’t covered by the PSR reimbursement rules and are much harder to recover. Report them anyway, to your bank, the gift card company or crypto platform, and to Report Fraud or Police Scotland.

Will I get in trouble for being scammed?

No. You’re the victim of a crime. The only exception is if you were asked to move money through your account for someone else, which can make you a “money mule”. If this happened, tell your bank and the police straight away.

Someone says they can recover my money for a fee. Should I pay?

No. This is almost certainly a recovery scam. Genuine organisations don’t charge victims upfront fees to recover money lost to fraud.

Who can I talk to about how I’m feeling?

Victim Support (England and Wales) and Victim Support Scotland offer free, confidential support. Your GP can also help, and Samaritans are available 24 hours a day on 116 123.

Related guides

• Romance scam messages: the scripts scammers use
• Dating app scams targeting over-50s in the UK
• How to spot a romance scam on WhatsApp
• Should you give your phone number before a first date?
• Military romance scams: how to spot a fake soldier

Sources

• Payment Systems Regulator, APP fraud reimbursement requirement (in force 7 October 2024).
• Report Fraud, reporting guidance for England, Wales and Northern Ireland.
• Police Scotland, reporting fraud.
• UK Finance, Stop Scams UK 159 service.
• Financial Ombudsman Service, how to complain.
• Consumer Credit Act 1974, section 75.
• Victim Support and Victim Support Scotland.