Sexual photos and messages when dating online

Sexual messages and photos are part of modern dating, including for people in their fifties and sixties. Sometimes they’re welcome, between two adults who trust each other. Often they’re not: an unsolicited explicit photo from a stranger, pressure to send pictures before you’ve even met, or a request that turns out to be the first step in a blackmail scam.

This guide is for adults dating online later in life in the UK. It explains why sexual photos and messages come up, the real risks, how to handle requests, what to do if you receive an explicit image you didn’t ask for, how the law treats cyberflashing and sharing intimate images without consent, what to do if someone threatens to share your images, and how to talk about boundaries with a partner. It isn’t about telling you what you can or can’t do with a partner you trust. It’s about making informed choices and knowing where to get help.

General information, not legal advice

This guide explains how things generally work in the UK so you know what to ask. It is not advice about your situation, and Hearts Again is not a law firm, financial adviser or healthcare provider. Rules differ between England, Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland and can change. Before you make any decision, speak to a qualified professional:

a solicitor, for example through the Law Society (England and Wales), the Law Society of Scotland or the Law Society of Northern Ireland, or Citizens Advice for free initial guidance

The short answer

You never have to send sexual photos or messages. Pressure to do so, especially early on, is a warning sign.
Once an image is sent, you lose control of it. Screenshots and forwarding are easy, and "disappearing" messages aren't a guarantee.
Sextortion, where scammers obtain intimate images and then demand money, targets adults of all ages, including over-50s.
Sending someone an unsolicited sexual image is a criminal offence in the UK. In England and Wales, "cyberflashing" became a specific offence in January 2024.
Sharing, or threatening to share, someone's intimate images without consent is also a crime.
If you're threatened: don't pay, stop contact, keep evidence and get help from the police and the Revenge Porn Helpline on 0345 6000 459.

Why this comes up in later-life dating

Many people over 50 are surprised by how quickly conversations on dating apps can become sexual. There are a few reasons.

It’s common in modern dating. For some people, especially those who’ve dated online for years, flirty messages and photos are routine.
Some people are looking for something casual, and move straight to sexual conversation.
Some are testing boundaries, seeing how far someone will go.
Some are scammers. Intimate images are a tool for blackmail, and scammers often push for them early.
Some people send explicit images without being asked, which is not only unpleasant but can be a crime.

If you’ve been married for decades, this can feel like an entirely different world. It’s fine to find it off-putting, and it’s fine to set your own limits.

The risks of sending intimate images

Adults are entitled to share intimate images with a partner if they both want to. But it’s worth understanding the risks before you do.

You lose control

Once an image is sent, you can’t take it back. It can be screenshotted, saved, forwarded or posted, even on apps that claim messages disappear. Someone you trust today may not be trustworthy if the relationship ends badly.

Sextortion

Sextortion is a form of blackmail in which someone obtains intimate images or videos, often by pretending to be a romantic interest, and then threatens to share them unless money is paid. The National Crime Agency has warned about sextortion targeting adults. Scammers often move quickly, flatter heavily, and ask for images or a video call early.

Identification

Images can reveal more than you think: your face, tattoos, distinctive jewellery, your home, even location data stored in the photo file.

Emotional impact

If images are shared or used against you, the distress can be severe. That’s never your fault, but it’s a real risk to weigh.

If you’re asked to send photos

Red flags

Be particularly cautious if someone:

asks for intimate photos before you’ve met, or very early in messaging
keeps pushing after you’ve said no
sends sexual images first to “encourage” you
wants to move quickly to a private messaging app or video call
won’t video call normally, but wants intimate content
tells a story that doesn’t add up, or seems to be working overseas
becomes angry, sulky or guilt-tripping when you set a boundary

Many of these overlap with the warning signs of romance scams. Our guides to romance scam messages and how to spot a fake dating profile explain the common patterns.

How to say no

You don’t need to explain yourself, but it can help to have something ready.

“I don’t send photos like that. I’d rather get to know you in person.”
“I’m not comfortable with that, and I’d like to keep things friendly for now.”
“Let’s meet for a coffee first.”

A genuine person will accept a no. Someone who keeps pushing isn’t someone to trust.

If you decide to share images with a partner you trust

That’s your choice. Some people in established relationships choose to share intimate images. If you do, people commonly take steps to reduce risk:

only sharing with someone you know well and have met in person
leaving out your face and anything identifying, such as tattoos, jewellery or recognisable rooms
being aware that any app’s “disappearing” feature can be defeated by a screenshot or another camera
talking about what happens to images if the relationship ends

None of this makes it risk-free, but it can reduce the harm if something goes wrong.

How sextortion scams often unfold

Knowing the usual pattern makes it easier to spot early. The details vary, but many sextortion scams follow similar steps.

A match or friend request from an attractive profile, often with very polished photos.
Fast flattery and intimacy. Compliments, declarations of strong feelings, and quick moves to personal topics.
A move off the app to WhatsApp, Telegram, Instagram or another messaging service, where the dating app can’t see the conversation.
Sexual conversation, often started by the other person, sometimes with an image they claim is of themselves.
A request for images or an intimate video call. The call may be recorded without your knowledge.
The threat. Once they have something, the tone changes suddenly. They demand money, often within hours, and threaten to send the material to your family, friends, employer or social media contacts.
Escalating demands. If money is paid, more demands usually follow.

Recognising steps one to four is often enough to stop the scam before it goes further.

Why older adults are targeted

Scammers target people of all ages, but some factors can make people dating later in life appealing targets:

Less familiarity with modern dating apps, and with how quickly conversations can become sexual.
Loneliness after divorce or bereavement, which scammers deliberately exploit with attention and affection.
Assumed financial resources, such as savings or a pension.
Fear of embarrassment, particularly in front of adult children, grandchildren or a community, which scammers use as leverage.

None of this means you’re naive. Scammers are skilled and persistent. Knowing their methods is the best protection. Our guide to dating app scams targeting over-50s covers the wider picture.

Receiving an explicit image you didn’t ask for

Many people, especially women, receive unsolicited explicit images on dating apps, messaging apps or social media. It can be shocking, upsetting or simply unpleasant.

It isn’t your fault

Receiving an unwanted image says nothing about you. It’s the sender’s behaviour that’s wrong.

What you can do

Don’t reply if you don’t want to engage.
Take a screenshot of the image, the profile and any messages, including usernames and dates, if you may want to report it. Don’t forward the image to others.
Block the person.
Report them to the dating app or platform. Most apps treat this as a serious breach of their rules.
Report it to the police if you want to. In an emergency, call 999. Otherwise, call 101 or report online.

The law on cyberflashing

In England and Wales, sending an unsolicited photo or film of genitals, known as cyberflashing, became a specific criminal offence on 31 January 2024, under changes made by the Online Safety Act 2023. The offence applies where the sender intends to cause alarm, distress or humiliation, or sends it for sexual gratification and is reckless about whether it causes those effects.

Scotland and Northern Ireland have their own laws that can cover sending sexual images without consent. The police can advise on how the law applies to what happened to you, and a solicitor can advise on your specific situation.

If someone shares or threatens to share your images

Sharing, or threatening to share, intimate images of someone without their consent is a crime across the UK. In England and Wales, the law was strengthened in January 2024, also through the Online Safety Act 2023.

If you’re being threatened

The steps that the police and support services recommend are:

Don’t pay. Paying rarely stops the demands, and often leads to more.
Stop contact. Don’t engage further with the person making threats.
Keep evidence. Screenshot messages, usernames, profile details and any payment demands, including account details.
Report it to the police. Call 999 if you’re in immediate danger, or 101 otherwise.
Report the account to the platform where you were contacted.
Get support. The Revenge Porn Helpline supports adults in the UK whose intimate images have been shared, or threatened to be shared, without consent. You can contact it on 0345 6000 459.

Preventing images being shared online

StopNCII.org is a free tool that helps adults stop intimate images being shared on participating platforms. It creates a digital fingerprint (a “hash”) of the image on your own device, so the image itself isn’t uploaded, and participating companies use that fingerprint to detect and block it. The Revenge Porn Helpline can explain how it works.

If you’ve paid money

If you’ve already sent money, contact your bank straight away by calling 159, and report it to Report Fraud on 0300 123 2040 (England, Wales and Northern Ireland) or Police Scotland on 101. Our guide on what to do if you’ve been scammed covers the steps in detail.

Feeling ashamed

Many people feel deeply embarrassed and don’t want to tell anyone. But this is a crime committed against you, and support services deal with it every day, including for people in their fifties, sixties and seventies. You don’t have to deal with it alone. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, Samaritans are available 24 hours a day on 116 123.

Sexual messages: where’s the line?

Flirty or sexual messages between two adults who both want them can be part of a relationship. Problems arise when:

one person hasn’t agreed to that kind of conversation
messages become explicit very early, before any trust exists
someone keeps sending sexual content after being asked to stop
messages are used to pressure, humiliate or control

If someone keeps sending sexual messages after you’ve asked them to stop, you can block and report them to the platform. Persistent unwanted messages can amount to harassment, which the police can advise on.

Talking about boundaries with a partner

If you’re in a relationship, it’s worth talking about what you’re both comfortable with, rather than assuming.

Say what you’re happy with, and what you’re not. “I’m fine with flirty messages but I don’t want to send photos.”
Ask what they’re comfortable with too.
Agree what happens to images if you do share them, including if you split up.
Remember you can change your mind at any time.

Our guide to sex with a new partner after 50 covers consent and boundaries more widely.

Video calls

Video calls are a useful safety step before meeting someone. Our guide to video calls before meeting explains why. But be aware that some sextortion scams involve persuading people into intimate video calls, which are secretly recorded. It’s sensible to keep early video calls fully clothed and friendly, and to end any call where you feel pressured.

If an image of you has already been shared

If you find that an intimate image of you has been posted online or sent to others, it can feel overwhelming. Some first steps people are usually advised to take:

Don’t contact the person who shared it in anger. Keep a record instead.
Record where it appears: screenshots, links and dates.
Report it to the site or platform, most of which have a specific process for intimate images shared without consent.
Contact the Revenge Porn Helpline on 0345 6000 459, which can help with reporting and removal.
Report it to the police, who can advise on the law where you live.
Tell someone you trust, so you’re not dealing with it alone.

Protecting your privacy

Turn off location data for photos in your phone’s camera settings, if you share photos at all.
Use a separate email for dating apps.
Keep your surname, address and workplace private until you know someone well. Our guide to giving your phone number explains how to stay private.
Check your social media privacy settings, so strangers can’t easily find your friends and family, which scammers sometimes use as leverage.

If you’re worried about someone you know

Adult children and friends sometimes discover that a parent or friend has been targeted. If that happens:

listen without judgement
reassure them it isn’t their fault
help them stop contact and keep evidence
help them contact the police, their bank if money was involved, and the Revenge Porn Helpline

Frequently asked questions

Is it normal to be asked for photos on dating apps over 50?

It happens a lot. Some people are genuine but moving too fast. Others are scammers. You’re under no obligation to send anything.

Is cyberflashing illegal in the UK?

Yes. In England and Wales, sending an unsolicited image of genitals became a specific offence in January 2024. Scotland and Northern Ireland have their own laws that can cover it.

Someone is threatening to share my photos. What should I do?

Don’t pay, stop contact, keep evidence and report it to the police. The Revenge Porn Helpline (0345 6000 459) can help.

Can I get intimate images removed from the internet?

Often, yes. The Revenge Porn Helpline can help, and StopNCII.org can help prevent images being shared on participating platforms.

Do “disappearing” messages protect me?

Not fully. Images can be screenshotted or photographed with another device.

Is it OK to send photos to a long-term partner?

That’s a personal choice between adults who trust each other. Understanding the risks helps you decide.

Not sure about someone?

Our free Romance Scam Red-Flag Checker lets you tick the warning signs that apply to someone you’ve met online and explains what they can mean and what to do next. Nothing you tick is saved.

Related guides

Sources

Online Safety Act 2023, amending the Sexual Offences Act 2003 (cyberflashing and intimate image offences, in force 31 January 2024).
Crown Prosecution Service and College of Policing guidance on intimate image offences.
Revenge Porn Helpline (SWGfL) and StopNCII.org.
National Crime Agency guidance on sextortion.
Report Fraud, UK Finance (159) and Police Scotland.