Most dating safety advice is written with women in mind, and for good reason. But men dating after 50 face real risks too, and some of them are aimed squarely at men. Romance scammers target men with fake profiles of attractive younger women. Sextortion gangs trick men into sharing intimate images and then demand money. Some men experience controlling or abusive behaviour in relationships and don’t know where to turn. And many men simply don’t think about safety at all, because they assume it isn’t their problem.
This guide covers dating safety for men over 50: spotting fake profiles and romance scams, sextortion, meeting safely, protecting your money, recognising controlling behaviour, and where to get help. It isn’t meant to make you suspicious of everyone you meet. Most people on dating apps are genuine. It’s about knowing the warning signs so you can enjoy dating with confidence.
General information, not legal or financial or medical or psychological advice
This guide explains how things generally work in the UK so you know what to ask. It is not advice about your situation, and Hearts Again is not a law firm, financial adviser or healthcare provider. Rules differ between England, Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland and can change. Before you make any decision, speak to a qualified professional:
- your bank straight away (call 159 to reach most UK banks), Report Fraud on 0300 123 2040 (England, Wales and Northern Ireland) or Police Scotland on 101
- your GP, a counsellor registered with the BACP, or Samaritans on 116 123 if you are struggling
The short answer
- Men are targeted by romance scammers too, often with fake profiles of attractive women who quickly move the conversation off the app.
- Never send money, gift cards or cryptocurrency to someone you haven't met in person, however convincing their story.
- Sextortion, where someone threatens to share intimate images unless you pay, is a serious crime that affects men of all ages. Don't pay, stop contact, keep evidence and report it.
- Basic first-date safety applies to men too: meet in public, tell someone where you're going and arrange your own transport.
- Men can experience controlling or abusive relationships. The Men's Advice Line offers confidential support.
- If you've been scammed, contact your bank straight away, using 159 or the number on your card, and report it to Report Fraud or Police Scotland on 101.
Why men need to think about dating safety
Some men feel safety advice doesn’t apply to them, or feel embarrassed to admit they’ve been targeted. But fraudsters don’t care about age or gender. They look for people who are lonely, trusting, newly single or financially comfortable, and many men dating after 50 fit that description.
Men may be particularly vulnerable because:
- They may not have dated for decades, and online dating is unfamiliar
- They may be widowed or recently divorced, and feeling lonely
- They may have savings, pensions or property, which makes them attractive targets
- They may feel flattered by attention from younger, attractive people
- They may be less likely to talk to friends about their love life, so no one notices warning signs
- They may feel too embarrassed to report being scammed
Being aware of these risks isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s common sense.
Fake profiles aimed at men
Romance scammers often create profiles designed to appeal to men, using stolen photos of attractive women, often much younger than the man they’re targeting. Warning signs include:
- Photos that look professional, like modelling shots, or that seem too good to be true
- A big age gap, with the person insisting age doesn’t matter to them
- Very little detail in the profile, or text that doesn’t quite fit the photos
- Quick declarations of interest, such as “you’re exactly what I’m looking for”
- Pressure to move to WhatsApp, Telegram or email straight away
- Claims to be working abroad, for example as a nurse, engineer or in the military
- Reluctance to video call, with excuses about broken cameras or poor connections
You can check photos using a reverse image search, which may show if they’ve been used elsewhere online. Our guides to spotting a fake dating profile and verifying a dating profile explain how.
How romance scams usually unfold
Romance scams often follow a pattern:
- Contact and flattery. The scammer makes contact and is warm, attentive and complimentary
- Moving off the app. They suggest WhatsApp or another messaging service, where the dating app can’t see what’s happening
- Building a bond. Over days or weeks, they message often, share personal stories and may talk about a future together
- A problem. A sudden crisis appears: a medical emergency, a business problem, a visa, a customs fee or a ticket to visit you
- A request. They ask for money, gift cards, cryptocurrency or help moving money, sometimes as a “loan”
- More requests. If you pay, there’s usually another problem, and another request
Some scammers don’t ask for money directly. Instead, they talk about how well they’ve done investing in cryptocurrency, then offer to help you invest. Our guides to romance scam messages, romance scam cover stories and crypto romance scams cover these tactics in more detail.
The golden rule
Never send money, gift cards, cryptocurrency or bank details to someone you’ve only met online, however genuine they seem and however urgent their story. Never let someone use your bank account to receive or move money for them. That could be money laundering.
You can use our scam red-flag checker if you’re unsure about a conversation.
Sextortion
Sextortion is a form of blackmail. Someone persuades you to share intimate images or videos, or to undress or perform sexual acts on a video call, and then threatens to share the images with your family, friends or colleagues unless you pay. It’s often carried out by organised criminal groups, and they may approach many people at once.
It often happens like this:
- A friendly, flirtatious contact, on a dating app or social media
- Quick moves towards sexual conversation, often suggesting a video call
- Pressure to share images, sometimes after they share images, which are usually stolen
- A sudden threat, often with screenshots of your friends list or contacts, and a demand for money
If it happens to you
The Revenge Porn Helpline advises:
- Don’t pay. Paying often leads to more demands. If you’ve already paid, stop paying and talk to your bank
- Stop all contact and block the person
- Keep evidence, such as screenshots of messages and any payment details
- Report it to the platform and to the police, on 101, even if the person is overseas
- Consider StopNCII.org, a free tool that can help stop intimate images being shared on some platforms, if you’re over 18
Sextortion can be extremely distressing, and some people feel deep shame. Remember that you’re the victim of a crime. The Revenge Porn Helpline can give confidential advice, and Samaritans is available on 116 123, free and 24 hours, if you’re struggling. Our guide to sexual photos and messages online has more on protecting yourself.
Investment and business “opportunities”
Some scams aimed at men don’t look like romance scams at first. The person may present as a successful businesswoman or investor who is warm, flirtatious and interested in you, and who gradually starts talking about how well she’s done from trading, cryptocurrency or a “family business”. She may show you screenshots of profits, introduce you to a trading platform or offer to “mentor” you.
Warning signs include:
- Talk of investments early on, often before you’ve met
- Pressure to download an app or open an account on a platform you haven’t heard of
- Small early “wins”, where you’re allowed to withdraw a little money to build trust
- Fees or taxes you must pay before you can withdraw larger amounts
- Secrecy, such as being told not to discuss it with family or your bank
If anyone you’ve met through dating suggests investing, stop and talk to someone you trust. You can check whether a firm is authorised on the Financial Conduct Authority (FCA) register, and the FCA’s ScamSmart pages explain common investment scams. Our guide to crypto romance scams explains how these schemes work.
Older men and caring roles
Some men dating after 50 are carers, for example for an elderly parent or an adult child with additional needs. Others have health conditions themselves. A partner who seems keen to help with your care, your money or your paperwork very early on may be genuine, but it’s sensible to keep control of your own affairs until you know someone well. Lasting powers of attorney and other legal arrangements should only ever be made with independent advice, and never under pressure. Our guide to dating with a health condition covers dating while managing health issues.
Meeting safely
First-date safety isn’t only for women. It may help to:
- Video call first, to check someone is who they say they are
- Meet somewhere public, such as a café or pub, during the day if possible
- Tell a friend or family member where you’re going, who you’re meeting and when you expect to be home
- Arrange your own transport, and don’t rely on your date for a lift
- Keep an eye on your drink, and don’t drink more than you’d like
- Don’t share your home address until you know someone well
- Trust your instincts. If something feels wrong, it’s fine to leave
Our guide to first date safety has a full checklist.
Watch out for set-ups
Occasionally, people arrange dates as a way to rob or extort the other person. This is rare, but warning signs include someone insisting you meet in an isolated place, pick them up from an unfamiliar address, or come to a private home on a first date. Meeting in a busy public place is the simplest protection.
Protecting your money
Money is one of the main targets for people who exploit others through dating. Beyond romance scams, warning signs in a new relationship include:
- Someone asking to borrow money, especially early on
- Pressure to pay for expensive dates, gifts or trips
- Stories of financial hardship that keep escalating
- Suggestions that you invest together, or put their name on your property
- Discouraging you from talking to family or advisers about money
Healthy partners don’t usually ask for money early in a relationship. Our guide to money in later-life relationships explains how to keep your finances safe, and our guide to protecting your children’s inheritance looks at longer-term planning.
Protecting your privacy
Scammers and blackmailers often use information you share online. It may help to:
- Use a first name only on dating apps
- Avoid sharing your workplace, home address or details of your finances
- Check your social media privacy settings, so strangers can’t see your friends list or family photos
- Be careful with photos that show your house, car registration or street
- Think before linking your dating profile to other social media accounts
Our guide to dating apps and privacy explains more about what apps know about you and how to protect your data.
Controlling or abusive relationships
Men can experience controlling or abusive relationships, including from female partners and male partners. It can be hard to recognise, and harder to talk about. Some men feel they won’t be believed, or worry about being judged.
Warning signs include a partner who:
- Constantly checks your phone or where you are
- Controls your money, or pressures you to hand over control
- Cuts you off from friends and family
- Puts you down, humiliates you or threatens you
- Makes you feel afraid to disagree
- Threatens to make false allegations against you
Coercive control is a criminal offence across the UK. Our guide to controlling behaviour and coercive control explains more. The Men’s Advice Line offers confidential support for men experiencing domestic abuse.
Sexual health
If you’re starting a sexual relationship with someone new, it’s worth thinking about sexual health. STIs can affect people of any age, and condoms help protect against them. Sexual health clinics offer free, confidential testing. Our guide to sexual health and STI testing explains how it works.
Travelling to meet someone
Some men are asked to travel a long way, or abroad, to meet someone they’ve met online. Others are asked to pay for the other person to travel to them. Both can be risky. Scammers often build a relationship over weeks or months, then use a planned visit as a reason to ask for money for flights, visas or fees, or invent an emergency at the last minute.
If you’re thinking of travelling to meet someone, it may help to:
- Video call several times first, so you’re confident they’re real
- Book and pay for your own travel and accommodation
- Tell family or friends where you’re going, who you’re meeting and when you’ll be back
- Check Foreign, Commonwealth and Development Office travel advice if you’re going abroad
- Never carry money, parcels or documents for someone else
Our guide to travelling to meet someone you met online has a full checklist.
Talking to someone
Many men keep their dating lives private. That’s understandable, but it can mean no one spots warning signs. It may help to:
- Tell a friend or family member when you’re talking to someone new
- Ask someone you trust for their view if something feels off
- Remember that being targeted isn’t your fault. Scammers are skilled and organised
If you’ve been scammed
If you think you’ve been scammed, act quickly:
- Contact your bank straight away, using 159 or the number on the back of your card
- Stop all contact with the scammer
- Report it to Report Fraud (England, Wales and Northern Ireland) or to Police Scotland on 101
- Report the profile to the dating app or website
- Keep evidence, such as messages and payment details
- Be wary of “recovery” scams, where someone offers to get your money back for a fee
Our guide to what to do if you’ve been scammed has a full step-by-step guide.
Where to get help
- Your bank: call 159 or the number on your card
- Report Fraud, for fraud in England, Wales and Northern Ireland
- Police Scotland: 101
- Revenge Porn Helpline, for sextortion and intimate image abuse
- Men’s Advice Line (Respect): 0808 801 0327, for men experiencing domestic abuse
- Samaritans: 116 123, free and 24 hours
- In an emergency, call 999
Common situations
“A beautiful woman in her 30s messaged me and wants to move to WhatsApp”
Be cautious. Check her photos with a reverse image search, insist on a video call and never send money.
“She’s asked me to pay for her flight to visit me”
This is a very common scam. Don’t send money. If she’s genuine, she can pay her own way.
“I shared photos and now someone is threatening me”
Don’t pay. Stop contact, keep evidence and report it to the police on 101. The Revenge Porn Helpline can help.
“My new partner keeps asking to borrow money”
Repeated requests for money are a red flag. Talk to someone you trust before agreeing.
“I’m embarrassed I fell for a scam”
Many intelligent people are scammed. Report it, get support and be kind to yourself.
Frequently asked questions
Are men targeted by romance scammers?
Yes. Scammers target men as well as women, often using fake profiles of attractive younger women.
What is sextortion?
Blackmail in which someone threatens to share intimate images unless you pay.
Should I pay a sextortion demand?
No. The Revenge Porn Helpline advises not to pay, to stop contact, to keep evidence and to report it.
How can I check if someone is real?
Video call before meeting, use a reverse image search and be wary of anyone who avoids meeting.
Where can men get help with abuse?
The Men’s Advice Line offers confidential support on 0808 801 0327.
Related guides
- Dating app scams over 50
- How to spot a fake dating profile
- Romance scam messages
- First date safety
- Sexual photos and messages online
- What to do if you’ve been scammed
Sources
- Revenge Porn Helpline, “Sextortion and webcam blackmail” advice.
- Respect, Men’s Advice Line; Report Fraud; Police Scotland; Samaritans; StopNCII.org.