Romance Scam Messages: The Scripts Scammers Use (With Examples)

Romance scammers are not usually lone individuals improvising. Many work from tried-and-tested scripts, sending similar messages to many people at once. Once you know the pattern, it becomes much easier to spot.

The examples below are illustrations written by us to show typical wording. They’re not taken from real conversations.

Stage 1: The approach

The first messages are warm, flattering and often generic enough to send to anyone.

• *”Your smile is beautiful. I felt something as soon as I saw your profile.”*
• *”I’m a God-fearing man looking for a woman to treasure my heart.”*
• *”I’m new to this. I don’t usually do online dating, but something told me to message you.”*

What to notice: intense compliments without any reference to what you’ve actually written, and lots of talk about honesty, loyalty or faith.

Stage 2: Moving off the app

Within a few messages, they suggest continuing elsewhere.

• *”I’m hardly ever on this site. Can we talk on WhatsApp? Here’s my number.”*
• *”My subscription runs out tomorrow. Give me your email so we don’t lose touch.”*

What to notice: urgency to leave the platform, where safety checks and reporting tools exist. See how to spot a romance scam on WhatsApp.

Stage 3: The backstory

A detailed, sympathetic story explains why they’re single and why they’re far away.

• *”I lost my wife to cancer four years ago. It’s just me and my daughter now.”*
• *”I’m an engineer on an offshore oil rig, contract ends in three months.”*
• *”I’m a US army doctor on a peacekeeping mission.”*

What to notice: a combination of tragedy, a respectable profession and a reason they can’t be reached easily. Details may change later.

Stage 4: Building intimacy fast

Constant contact creates a sense of a real relationship.

• *”Good morning my queen. You’re the first thing I think about.”*
• *”I’ve never felt this way so quickly. I think God brought us together.”*
• *”When my contract ends, I’m coming to you. We’ll start our life together.”*

What to notice: declarations of love and future plans before you’ve met or even had a video call.

Stage 5: Avoiding video calls or meeting

• *”My camera is broken, and the internet here is too weak for video.”*
• *”I’m not allowed to use video on the base for security reasons.”*
• *”I was on my way to the airport but something terrible happened.”*

What to notice: repeated, plausible-sounding excuses. A genuine person can usually manage a short video call.

Stage 6: The request

This can come after days, weeks or months.

• *”My account has been frozen and I need to pay a customs fee to release my equipment.”*
• *”My daughter is in hospital and I can’t access my money from here.”*
• *”I’ve been making great returns on this crypto platform. Let me show you how.”*
• *”Could you buy some gift cards? I’ll pay you back as soon as I’m home.”*

What to notice: any request involving money, gift cards, crypto, bank details or “investing”. Often it starts small and grows.

Stage 7: Pressure and guilt

If you hesitate, the tone may change.

• *”I thought you loved me. Don’t you trust me?”*
• *”I’ll lose everything if you don’t help. You’re my only hope.”*
• *”Don’t tell your children, they won’t understand what we have.”*

What to notice: guilt, urgency and attempts to isolate you from friends and family.

Other warning signs in the writing

• Grammar or phrasing that doesn’t match the background they claim.
• Copied poetry or romantic paragraphs.
• Details that change: age, job, children’s names, where they are.
• Photos that look professional, or much younger than their stated age.

The same scripts, different stories

Scammers adapt their stories to the person they’re targeting, but the structure stays the same. Common personas include:

• The widowed engineer or contractor working on an overseas project, often with a teenage child at boarding school.
• The military officer on deployment, often a surgeon or senior officer, sometimes claiming to need money for leave, flights or a satellite phone.
• The successful businesswoman or investor, who offers to share her trading secrets.
• The doctor with an aid agency, working in a conflict zone.
• The ship’s captain or offshore worker, with limited internet.
• The fellow widow or widower, who understands your grief perfectly.

Whatever the persona, look for the pattern: rapid affection, a reason not to meet or video call, and eventually money.

Example: a complete scam conversation

This example is written by us to show how the stages fit together. It’s shortened for clarity.

• Day 1: “Hello beautiful. Your profile caught my eye. I’m David, a widower and civil engineer. I’m working on a bridge project in Ghana for a few more months.”
• Day 2: “I’m not on here much. Can we talk on WhatsApp?”
• Day 4: “My wife passed five years ago. It’s been lonely. Talking to you makes me smile.”
• Day 8: “I’ve never connected with anyone like this. I think about you all the time.”
• Day 12: “I’d love to video call but the internet on site is terrible. Soon, I promise.”
• Day 20: “When this contract ends, I want to come to you. I’ve even looked at houses near you.”
• Day 27: “I’m in trouble. The site manager hasn’t paid us and I need to pay the local workers or I can’t leave. I’m so embarrassed to ask. Could you lend me £1,800? I’ll repay it the day I land.”
• Day 30: “Thank you, my love. There’s one more problem. Customs are holding my equipment until I pay a clearance fee…”

At every stage there was a chance to stop: the quick move off the app, the refused video call, the declaration of love before meeting, and above all the first request for money.

Why the scripts work

The scripts are designed to work on anyone:

• Flattery and attention feel wonderful, especially after loneliness, divorce or bereavement.
• A sad story creates sympathy and lowers suspicion.
• Constant contact builds a sense of intimacy quickly.
• Future plans make you invest emotionally in a shared life.
• Small requests first make larger ones feel normal.
• Secrecy stops friends and family from spotting the pattern.

If you recognise these patterns, it’s not because you were foolish. It’s because they were designed by professionals to be convincing.

The investment scam script

Investment romance scams follow a slightly different path. Instead of an emergency, the scammer offers you an opportunity. Typical stages (examples written by us):

1. Casual success: *”Sorry for the slow reply, I was checking my trades. Had a good day on gold.”*
2. Generosity: *”My uncle taught me. It’s changed my life. I’d love to help you too.”*
3. A small start: *”Just try £200 and see. I’ll guide you.”*
4. Visible “profits”: you’re shown a professional-looking app or website where your balance grows quickly.
5. Encouragement to add more: *”This is a rare window. If you add more now, we could buy that house by the sea.”*
6. Withdrawal problems: when you try to take money out, you’re told to pay a “tax”, “fee” or “verification deposit” first.
7. Disappearance, or more requests.

What to notice: investment advice from someone you’ve only met online, pressure to act quickly, and any platform you can’t find on the Financial Conduct Authority register. Never invest on the advice of a romantic contact you haven’t met.

Sextortion scripts

Sextortion scams move quickly from flirting to requests for intimate images, then threats.

• *”You’re so handsome. Send me a photo just for me.”*
• *”I’ll send you one first.”* (often a stolen image)
• Then: *”I’ve recorded our video call. Pay £2,000 or I’ll send it to your friends and family.”*

What to do: don’t pay, stop contact, don’t delete the evidence, and report it to the police. Paying rarely ends the threats. It’s not your fault, and help is available.

Scripts that target men

City of London Police data for 2025 showed that men make the most romance fraud reports in the UK. Scams aimed at men often involve:

• a much younger, very attractive woman who makes contact first
• quick flirtation and requests to move to WhatsApp or another app
• stories of hardship: rent arrears, a sick parent, travel costs to visit you
• investment or crypto “opportunities”
• sextortion

The same rule applies: be cautious of anyone who seems too good to be true, won’t video call, or ever mentions money.

Simple checks a scammer struggles with

If you’re unsure, these simple steps usually reveal the truth without putting you at risk:

• Ask for a live video call at a time that suits you. Genuine people manage it.
• Ask a specific local question, such as the name of a café near where they say they live, and check the answer.
• Reverse image search their photos.
• Tell them you’ve asked a friend or relative to look at their profile. Scammers often disappear quickly.
• Say you never send money to people you haven’t met. A genuine person will accept that. A scammer will argue or apply guilt.

Don’t share personal information or send documents to prove who you are. You don’t owe a stranger proof.

Ending contact safely

If you realise you’re talking to a scammer:

• Don’t announce it or argue. It can invite pressure or threats.
• Take screenshots of their profile, number and messages.
• Block them on WhatsApp, email and the dating site.
• Report the profile to the dating site or app.
• Report the scam to Report Fraud (England, Wales and Northern Ireland) or Police Scotland.
• Be wary of new contacts who approach you soon afterwards, including anyone offering to recover your money.

Helping someone in the middle of a scam

If you think a friend or relative is being scammed:

• Stay calm and curious, not accusing.
• Ask whether they’ve had a video call and whether money has been mentioned.
• Share this guide and let them compare their messages with the stages.
• Offer to help check photos or stories together.
• Encourage them to call their bank if money has been sent. Bank transfers may be reimbursable if reported quickly.
• Stay in touch. Scammers try to isolate victims.

What to do

For the full picture, read dating app scams targeting over-50s.

How the script opens on different platforms

The opening lines change depending on where the scammer finds you.

• Dating sites: a warm, flattering first message, often within minutes of joining, followed quickly by a request to move to WhatsApp or email.
• Facebook: a friend request from a stranger, often with mutual friends (who have also been targeted), then a private message: *”I saw your comment in the group and had to say hello.”*
• Instagram: likes and comments on your photos, then a direct message.
• “Wrong number” texts: *”Hi Karen, are we still meeting for coffee?”* When you reply, they apologise and keep chatting.
• Online games and word apps: friendly chat during a game, then a move to private messaging.
• Groups for widowed people or faith communities: a sympathetic, understanding approach, tailored to the group.

Wherever it begins, the script soon follows the same stages.

The emotional aftermath

Realising you’ve been talking to a scammer can be devastating, even if you haven’t lost money. Many people describe:

• grief for a relationship that felt real
• embarrassment or shame, which can stop them telling anyone
• anger, at the scammer and at themselves
• loss of trust, in dating and in people generally
• anxiety about whether it could happen again

These feelings are completely normal. It helps to talk to someone you trust. Victim Support (England and Wales) and Victim Support Scotland offer free, confidential support to fraud victims, and your GP can help if you’re struggling. Many people go on to date again safely, with the benefit of knowing what to look for.

Words and phrases to be wary of

Some words and phrases come up again and again in romance scam messages. On their own they don’t prove anything, but several together are a warning sign:

• “my queen”, “my king”, “my love” within days of first contact
• “God-fearing”, “God brought us together”, “destiny”
• “I’m not like other men / women on here”
• “I’ve never felt this way before”
• “honest, loyal, caring” repeated as a description of themselves
• “contract”, “project”, “site”, “deployment”, “offshore”
• “customs”, “clearance fee”, “release fee”, “courier”
• “frozen account”, “can’t access my money from here”
• “investment”, “platform”, “returns”, “my uncle / mentor taught me”
• “don’t tell anyone”, “they won’t understand”
• “I’ll pay you back as soon as I land”

If you notice these patterns in a conversation with someone you haven’t met, pause and talk to someone you trust before replying.

A quick self-check

If you’re chatting to someone you met online, ask yourself:

1. Have we had a live video call?
2. Have we met, or made realistic plans to meet soon?
3. Did they ask to move off the dating site within the first few days?
4. Have they declared strong feelings before we’ve met?
5. Do they work overseas or have a reason they can’t be reached easily?
6. Have they ever mentioned money, a problem, gift cards or an investment?
7. Have they asked me to keep our relationship private?

If you answered “no” to the first two and “yes” to any of the others, stop and talk to someone before continuing.

Frequently asked questions

Do all scammers follow these scripts?

Not word for word, but most follow the same stages. The pattern matters more than the exact wording.

What if the person hasn’t asked for money yet?

Some scammers wait weeks or months. If several other stages match, be very cautious and insist on a video call.

Can a scammer be on a paid dating site?

Yes. Paid sites may have more checks, but scammers do get through.

Is it a scam if they say they’re a widower too?

Not necessarily. Many genuine people are widowed. But scammers do use this story to create a bond. Look at the whole pattern.

I’ve already sent money. What now?

Call your bank straight away (dial 159), report it, and stop contact. See dating app scams targeting over-50s for how to seek reimbursement.

Related guides

• Dating app scams targeting over-50s in the UK
• How to spot a romance scam on WhatsApp
• Should you give your phone number before a first date?
• When should you move from a dating app to WhatsApp?
• I’ve been scammed on a dating site: what to do now
• Military romance scams: how to spot a fake soldier

Sources

• City of London Police, romance fraud data from the Report Fraud service for 2025 (published May 2026).
• Payment Systems Regulator, APP fraud reimbursement protections.