If you last dated in the 1980s, 1990s or early 2000s, modern dating can sound like a foreign language. Friends talk about being “ghosted” or “breadcrumbed”. Profiles mention “LTR” and “situationships”. Articles warn about “catfishing” and “love-bombing”. It’s no wonder many people starting again after 50 feel out of touch.
This guide explains the most common modern dating terms in plain English: what they mean, how they show up in later-life dating and, where relevant, what to do about them. It also covers dating app vocabulary and the abbreviations you’ll see on profiles, and starts with a quick summary of what has changed since you last dated.
The short answer
- Many modern dating terms describe old behaviours with new names. Ghosting, for example, is simply disappearing without explanation.
- Some terms describe warning signs, such as love-bombing and catfishing, which are often linked to scams.
- Dating app vocabulary includes matching, swiping, liking, super likes, boosts and verification.
- Profiles often use abbreviations like LTR (long-term relationship) and FWB (friends with benefits). Knowing them helps you filter matches.
- You don't need to use the jargon yourself. It's enough to recognise it.
What has changed since the 1990s and 2000s?
Before the glossary, a quick summary of the biggest changes:
- Online dating is mainstream. It’s now one of the most common ways couples meet, and there’s no stigma attached.
- Smartphone apps have replaced many websites. Most people use apps, although many over-50s services still work well on computers.
- Messaging comes before meeting. People usually exchange messages, then a call, before a first date.
- First dates are shorter and more casual. A coffee or a walk is normal.
- Dating more than one person at first is common, until you agree to be exclusive.
- Roles are more flexible. Anyone can ask someone out, and splitting the bill is common.
- Safety and scams matter more. Video calls and meeting in public are sensible first steps.
- Relationship structures are more varied. Living apart together, not marrying and keeping separate finances are all common in later life.
Our guides to a first date after years of marriage and dating again after being single for years cover these changes in more depth.
Terms about how people behave when dating
Ghosting
Suddenly stopping all contact without explanation, often after several messages or dates. It’s one of the most common frustrations in modern dating. Our guide to being ghosted after a good first date explains what to do.
Slow fade
Gradually reducing contact rather than ending things clearly. Replies become shorter and less frequent until they stop. Our guide to the slow fade vs ghosting explains the difference.
Breadcrumbing
Sending occasional messages or signs of interest, just enough to keep someone hoping, without any real intention of committing. For example, a “Hope you’re well” every few weeks, but no plans to meet.
Benching
Keeping someone as a backup option while pursuing someone else. The benched person gets occasional attention but is never prioritised.
Orbiting
Stopping direct contact but continuing to watch, like or comment on someone’s social media. It can be confusing, because the person seems interested but doesn’t get in touch.
Zombieing
When someone who ghosted you reappears, often as if nothing happened. “Hey stranger, how have you been?” months later.
Cushioning
Keeping several people interested as a “cushion” in case a main relationship ends.
Love-bombing
Overwhelming someone with affection, compliments, gifts and declarations of love very early in a relationship. It can feel flattering, but it’s a warning sign. It’s a common tactic used by romance scammers and by people who become controlling. Our guide to romance scam messages explains how it’s used.
Gaslighting
A form of manipulation where someone makes you doubt your own memory, perceptions or judgement. For example, denying things they clearly said, or telling you you’re “overreacting” when you raise a genuine concern. Persistent gaslighting is a sign of an unhealthy relationship.
Negging
Making backhanded compliments or subtle put-downs to undermine someone’s confidence. For example, “You’re pretty for your age.” It’s a manipulation tactic, not flirting.
The ick
A sudden feeling of being put off by someone, often triggered by something small, such as the way they chew or a particular phrase. It’s usually used light-heartedly.
Terms about relationship stages
Talking stage
The early period when you’re messaging, calling and perhaps going on dates, but haven’t defined the relationship. You may be talking to more than one person.
Exclusive
Agreeing to date only each other. Often a step before calling each other partners. Our guide to exclusivity after 50 covers when and how to discuss it.
DTR (define the relationship)
The conversation where you agree what you are to each other, such as exclusive, partners or something more casual.
Situationship
A romantic or physical connection that has never been clearly defined. You spend time together and may be intimate, but you’re not officially a couple. It can suit some people, but it can be frustrating if one person wants more. Our guide on whether he wants a relationship or something casual may help.
Soft launch and hard launch
Terms from social media. A “soft launch” is hinting at a new relationship online, such as posting a photo of two coffee cups without showing the other person. A “hard launch” is openly posting photos together. Our guide to telling family you’re dating again covers social media considerations.
LAT (living apart together)
A committed couple who choose to keep separate homes. Very common among later-life couples. Our guide to living apart together after 50 explains it in depth.
Red flag, green flag and beige flag
A red flag is a warning sign, such as rudeness, pressure or requests for money. A green flag is a positive sign, such as kindness, consistency and respect. A beige flag is a quirk that’s neither good nor bad, just a bit dull or odd.
Terms about deception and scams
Catfishing
Creating a fake online identity to deceive someone, often using stolen photos. Catfishers may be after money, attention or to manipulate. Many romance scams begin with catfishing.
Romance scam
A crime where someone builds a fake relationship online in order to get money. Scammers often claim to be working overseas, in the military or widowed. Our guides to dating app scams targeting over-50s and military romance scams explain the warning signs.
Pig butchering
A type of scam that combines a fake romance with a fake investment, usually in cryptocurrency. The scammer builds trust over weeks or months, then encourages the victim to invest on a platform that looks real but is controlled by criminals. The name refers to “fattening up” the victim before taking their money.
Sextortion
Blackmail using intimate images or videos, often obtained after a scammer persuades someone to share them. If this happens, don’t pay, stop contact, keep evidence and report it. Our guide on what to do if you’ve been scammed explains how to get help.
Money mule
Someone who moves money through their bank account on behalf of criminals, sometimes without realising. Romance scammers sometimes ask victims to receive and send on money. This is illegal, even if you didn’t know the money was criminal.
Dating app vocabulary
Match
When two people have both shown interest in each other on an app. You can usually message once you’ve matched.
Swipe right and swipe left
On many apps, swiping right on a profile means you’re interested. Swiping left means you’re not.
Like
Showing interest in a profile, usually by tapping a heart or a button.
Super like, rose or priority like
Premium ways of showing strong interest, which make your profile stand out to the other person. Names differ between apps. For example, Hinge uses “roses”.
Boost
A paid feature that makes your profile more visible for a limited time.
Unmatch
Removing a match, which usually deletes the conversation and prevents further contact.
Verified
A badge showing that someone has confirmed their identity, usually by taking a selfie that’s compared with their photos. It helps, but doesn’t guarantee someone is genuine.
Prompts
Questions on your profile that you answer, such as “My ideal Sunday is…”. Used by apps such as Hinge and Bumble.
Opening Moves
A Bumble feature that lets people set a question for matches to answer, to start a conversation.
Incognito or private mode
A paid feature on some apps that lets you browse without being seen, except by people you like.
Left on read
When someone has seen your message, shown by a “read” receipt, but hasn’t replied.
Abbreviations you’ll see on profiles
Profiles and messages often use shorthand. Knowing these helps you understand what someone is looking for.
| Abbreviation | Meaning | What it tells you |
|---|---|---|
| LTR | Long-term relationship | They’re looking for something serious |
| STR | Short-term relationship | They want something more casual or time-limited |
| FWB | Friends with benefits | A friendship that includes sex, without a romantic relationship |
| NSA | No strings attached | Casual, usually physical, with no commitment |
| ENM | Ethical non-monogamy | They’re open to, or in, relationships with more than one partner, with everyone’s knowledge |
| Poly | Polyamorous | They have, or are open to, more than one loving relationship at a time |
| ISO | In search of | What they’re looking for, for example “ISO LTR” |
| GSOH | Good sense of humour | An older abbreviation, still used |
| WLTM | Would like to meet | An older abbreviation from newspaper personal ads |
| DM | Direct message | A private message on an app or social media |
| IRL | In real life | Meeting in person, rather than online |
| 420-friendly | Comfortable with cannabis use | Relevant if this matters to you |
| Sober or sober-curious | Doesn’t drink, or is cutting down | Useful for choosing date venues |
If a profile uses terms like FWB, NSA or ENM and you’re looking for a committed, monogamous relationship, it’s probably not a match. Equally, if you’re looking for something casual, these terms help you find people who want the same.
Terms about relationship types
Monogamy
Being in a relationship with one partner at a time. Most people dating after 50 are looking for monogamous relationships, but it’s worth not assuming.
Casual dating
Dating without commitment or exclusivity. Some people over 50 prefer this, especially soon after a divorce.
Companionship
A relationship focused on friendship, shared activities and emotional support, which may or may not include romance or intimacy. Many people over 50 describe themselves as looking for companionship. Our guide to when one partner wants marriage and the other wants companionship explores this.
Open relationship
A relationship where partners agree that they can have sexual or romantic relationships with others.
Terms about feelings and communication
Catching feelings
Developing romantic feelings for someone, often when you intended to keep things casual.
Love languages
A popular idea that people express and receive love in different ways, such as words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, acts of service and physical touch. Some people use it as a shorthand for what makes them feel valued.
Attachment styles
A psychology concept, often discussed online, describing patterns in how people approach closeness in relationships. You may see people describe themselves as “anxious” or “avoidant”. It can be a helpful way to think about your own patterns, but it’s not a diagnosis.
Boundaries
Limits you set about what you’re comfortable with, such as how quickly you move, how often you message or what you’ll share. Having and respecting boundaries is a sign of a healthy relationship.
Vibe
A general feeling about someone or something. “Good vibes” means a positive feeling.
Terms that might confuse you
“Hard pass” and “soft pass”
A “hard pass” is a firm no. A “soft pass” is a polite or tentative no.
“Out of my league”
When someone feels a potential partner is more attractive or successful than them.
“Sliding into DMs”
Sending someone a private message, usually on social media, to show romantic interest.
“Rizz”
Slang, mostly used by younger people, for charm or the ability to attract someone.
Do you need to use these terms?
No. Knowing what they mean helps you understand what’s happening and what people are looking for. But you don’t need to use jargon yourself. Plain, warm and honest communication is always best. “I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you, and I’d like to see where this goes” will serve you better than any buzzword.
Old terms, new terms
Many modern terms have older equivalents you may recognise.
- “Going steady” is roughly what people now call being exclusive, or being in a relationship.
- “Stood up” is still used, but the modern version is often ghosting before the date even happens.
- “Playing the field” is similar to dating more than one person during the talking stage.
- “Leading someone on” covers much of what’s now called breadcrumbing or benching.
- “Lonely hearts” ads in newspapers have largely been replaced by dating apps and websites, but abbreviations like GSOH and WLTM survive from them.
- “Courting” has become dating, and the pace is often quicker at the start, with more messaging before meeting.
In other words, human behaviour hasn’t changed much. What’s changed is the technology, and the speed at which things happen.
Which behaviours to take seriously
Some of the terms in this guide describe mildly annoying behaviour. Others describe real warning signs. As a rough guide:
- Usually disappointing but harmless: ghosting, the slow fade, orbiting, zombieing, the ick. Frustrating, but they say more about the other person’s communication than about you.
- Worth noticing: breadcrumbing, benching, cushioning and situationships. They may mean someone isn’t looking for the same level of commitment as you. It’s fair to ask directly, and to move on if you want something different.
- Serious warning signs: love-bombing, gaslighting, negging, catfishing, any request for money, and any pressure to share intimate images. These can indicate manipulation, control or a scam. Slow down, talk to someone you trust and, if money or threats are involved, contact your bank on 159 and report it to Report Fraud (0300 123 2040) or Police Scotland (101).
The bottom line
Modern dating has its own vocabulary, but many of the terms describe familiar behaviour with new names. Ghosting is disappearing without explanation, breadcrumbing is stringing someone along, and love-bombing is overwhelming affection early on, often a warning sign. App terms like matching, swiping and boosts are easy to learn, and profile abbreviations like LTR, FWB and ENM help you understand what people are looking for. You don’t need to use the jargon yourself: honest, warm communication works best at any age.
Frequently asked questions
What does ghosting mean?
Suddenly stopping all contact with someone without explanation.
What is breadcrumbing?
Sending occasional messages or signs of interest to keep someone hoping, without any intention of committing.
What is love-bombing?
Overwhelming someone with affection and declarations of love very early. It’s a common tactic used by scammers and controlling people.
What does LTR mean on a dating profile?
Long-term relationship. It means the person is looking for something serious.
What is a situationship?
A romantic or physical connection that has never been clearly defined as a relationship.
What is catfishing?
Using a fake identity online, usually with stolen photos, to deceive someone.
Related guides
- Never used a dating app before? A step-by-step guide
- Exclusivity after 50
- Slow fade vs ghosting: how to tell and what to do
- Romance scam messages: the scripts scammers use
- Dating again after being single for years
Sources
- Hearts Again editorial research on modern dating terminology.
- Discussion threads on Gransnet, Mumsnet and over-40s dating communities about unfamiliar dating terms (themes summarised, not quoted).
- UK Finance and Report Fraud, information on romance and investment scams.