More and more couples in later life are choosing to be fully committed to each other without moving in together. This is known as “living apart together”, or LAT. If you’ve met someone special but can’t imagine giving up your own home, it may be exactly what you’re looking for.
The short answer
- Living apart together means a committed relationship where each partner keeps their own home.
- Around one in ten couples in the UK live apart, and for people over 60 forming new relationships, it's far more common than moving in together.
- It can protect independence, finances and family arrangements, while still giving you closeness.
- It works best when you're both clear about expectations: how often you see each other, holidays, care and money.
What does “living apart together” mean?
A LAT couple is in a steady, committed relationship, but each partner has their own home. You might spend weekends together, holiday together and see each other several times a week, yet still go home to your own house.
It isn’t a halfway stage or a lack of commitment. For many couples, it’s the long-term plan.
How common is it?
More common than many people realise. Research from UCL and Lancaster University, using the UK Household Longitudinal Study, found that around 10% of heterosexual couples in the UK live in different households, and around 4% of people over 60 are in LAT relationships. For single people over 60 who start a new relationship, LAT is by far the most common choice. For older women it’s around ten times more likely than moving in together or marrying.
Why it appeals after 50
- Independence. You’ve built a life, a home and routines you love.
- Your own space. Different sleep patterns, tidiness, hobbies or pets matter less when you’re not under one roof.
- Family. Adult children, grandchildren or your late partner’s family may feel more settled if homes and inheritances stay separate.
- Money and property. Keeping your own home can make finances simpler and avoids complicated questions about who owns what.
- Having been through a split before. Many people who’ve experienced divorce prefer not to tie everything together again.
- Keeping the spark. Some couples say time apart makes time together feel more special.
The same UCL research found that LAT relationships offered similar mental health benefits to marriage or living together, with smaller downsides if the relationship ended.
The possible downsides
- Two sets of costs. Two homes mean two sets of bills, council tax and upkeep.
- Travel. If you live far apart, the back-and-forth can become tiring.
- Other people’s assumptions. Friends or family may not see it as “serious”.
- Care in later life. If one of you becomes ill, living apart can make caring harder. It’s worth talking about this early.
- Legal status. Living apart gives you no automatic legal rights as a couple. See below.
How to make it work
LAT works best when you’re both clear and honest about expectations. Useful things to discuss:
- How often you’d like to see each other, and whether weekends are shared.
- Whether you keep belongings or a key at each other’s homes.
- Holidays, Christmas and family occasions: together, apart or alternating.
- Who pays for what when you’re together.
- What happens if one of you needs care or support.
- Whether you both see this as long-term, or whether one of you hopes to move in eventually.
Money, wills and legal rights
Because you don’t live together, and may not be married, the law generally treats you as two individuals.
- Wills. If you want your partner to inherit anything, make a will saying so. Without one, a partner you don’t live with or aren’t married to is unlikely to inherit automatically.
- Next of kin and decisions. Consider lasting powers of attorney (in England and Wales) or powers of attorney (in Scotland) so the right person can help if you’re unwell.
- Property. Keeping homes separate usually keeps ownership simple.
Not legal advice
This is general information. Rules differ between England and Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland. For advice about wills, property or pensions, speak to a solicitor or financial adviser.
LAT after divorce or bereavement
LAT is particularly popular with people who have been divorced or widowed. It can let you enjoy a new relationship while protecting children’s inheritances, avoiding decisions about the family home, and keeping space for memories. Our guides on dating after divorce and dating after bereavement have more on starting again.
Is it right for you?
It might suit you if you value your independence, have your own home and routines, and want closeness without merging everything. It may be less suitable if you’re hoping to share daily life, or if one of you is likely to need regular care soon. Many couples start living apart and decide later. There’s no need to settle it on a first date.
For a comparison of the options, see should you remarry after 50?
Sources
- Coulter, R. and Hu, Y., study of living apart together relationships in later life, *Journal of Family Issues* (2024), using the UK Household Longitudinal Study (reported by UCL News, December 2024).