For Catholics who are single again after 50, dating raises questions that most dating advice never touches. If you’re divorced, can you date at all without going against Church teaching? What is an annulment, how long does it take, and do you need one before you meet someone? What if the person you’d like to date is divorced? And if you’re widowed, how do you think about remarriage, a new partner’s faith, and your place in your parish?
This guide explains, in plain English, how the Catholic Church approaches divorce, annulment and remarriage. It covers how the declaration of nullity process works in practice in England and Wales, the questions Catholics most often ask about dating, and where Catholics over 50 meet. It describes Church teaching and practice rather than telling you what to do. Your parish priest and your diocesan marriage tribunal are the people to talk to about your own situation.
General information, not legal advice
This guide explains how things generally work in the UK so you know what to ask. It is not advice about your situation, and Hearts Again is not a law firm, financial adviser or healthcare provider. Rules differ between England, Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland and can change. Before you make any decision, speak to a qualified professional:
- a solicitor, for example through the Law Society (England and Wales), the Law Society of Scotland or the Law Society of Northern Ireland, or Citizens Advice for free initial guidance
The short answer
- The Catholic Church teaches that a valid sacramental marriage is lifelong, and that a civil divorce doesn't end it in the eyes of the Church.
- A "declaration of nullity", often called an annulment, is a Church finding that a valid marriage didn't exist from the start. It isn't a Catholic divorce.
- Tribunals generally need a civil divorce to be complete first. In England and Wales, dioceses describe typical cases taking around 12 months to 2 years.
- Tribunals usually ask for a contribution to costs, but say no one is refused a hearing because they can't pay.
- Church teaching is that a declaration of nullity doesn't make children of the marriage illegitimate.
- Widowed Catholics are free to remarry in the Church. The questions there are usually emotional and practical rather than canonical.
- Your parish priest is the best first person to speak to, ideally before a new relationship becomes serious.
Why dating is different for Catholics
For many Catholics, faith isn’t one interest among many. It shapes how they understand marriage, family, sex and commitment. That affects dating in several ways:
- Marriage is a sacrament. The Church teaches that a valid marriage between baptised people is a lifelong bond. That’s why divorce and remarriage raise questions for Catholics that they don’t for many other people.
- Dating is usually aimed at marriage. Many Catholics date with a view to a possible marriage, not open-ended companionship.
- The sacraments matter. Being able to receive Communion and take part fully in parish life is important to many Catholics, and remarriage without an annulment affects that.
- Shared faith matters. Many Catholics want a partner who shares or at least respects their faith, and who would be comfortable with Mass, the sacraments and a church wedding.
None of this means Catholics can’t date after 50. Many do, and many find happiness. But it helps to understand the Church’s framework first.
Widowed Catholics
If your spouse has died, Church teaching is straightforward: the marriage bond ended with their death, and you’re free to marry again in the Church. You don’t need an annulment.
The questions widowed Catholics face are mostly emotional and practical:
- Feeling ready. There’s no set time. Our guide to dating after bereavement covers the signs of readiness.
- Guilt. Some widowed Catholics feel dating is disloyal. Many priests and fellow parishioners see a new relationship as something to celebrate. Our guide to feeling guilty about dating after loss explores this.
- Your parish. If your late spouse was well known in the parish, people may have mixed feelings at first.
- Your new partner’s situation. If the person you meet is divorced, their situation may affect whether you can marry in the Church. See below.
Divorced Catholics: what the Church teaches
Divorce itself
Church teaching distinguishes between civil divorce and the marriage bond. A civil divorce ends the legal marriage. The Church doesn’t regard it as ending a valid sacramental marriage. Divorced Catholics who haven’t remarried are not excluded from the sacraments simply because they’re divorced, and are encouraged to take a full part in parish life.
Dating while divorced
This is where many Catholics feel uncertain. In the Church’s view, if your previous marriage is presumed valid, you aren’t free to marry again, so a romantic relationship heading towards marriage raises a difficulty. Some divorced Catholics therefore wait until they have a declaration of nullity before dating. Others start dating and then approach the tribunal. Priests’ views and pastoral approaches vary, so it’s worth talking to your parish priest early.
Civil remarriage without an annulment
Catholics who remarry civilly without a declaration of nullity are, in Church teaching, in an irregular situation, and traditionally they are not admitted to Communion. In 2016, Pope Francis’s document Amoris Laetitia (The Joy of Love) called for divorced and civilly remarried Catholics to be accompanied, integrated into parish life and not made to feel excommunicated. It also encouraged pastoral discernment of individual situations. How that applies in practice, including on Communion, has been debated and is interpreted differently in different places. Your parish priest is the person to talk to.
What an annulment is, and isn’t
It isn’t a Catholic divorce
A declaration of nullity is a finding by a Church tribunal that, at the time of the wedding, something essential to a valid marriage was missing. In the words of one English diocese, the tribunal examines whether the couple exchanged “true and proper consent, according to the Law of the Catholic Church”. It doesn’t deny that the relationship existed, that there was love, or that the marriage had good years.
Common grounds
Tribunals consider many possible grounds. Commonly discussed ones include:
- One or both people lacked the maturity or capacity to understand and commit to marriage
- One or both people didn’t intend a lifelong, faithful or open-to-children marriage
- Serious deception about something important
- Pressure or fear that meant consent wasn’t free
- For Catholics, a wedding outside the Church without permission (often called “lack of canonical form”), which may be dealt with by a simpler documentary process
Only the tribunal can decide whether any ground applies to a particular marriage.
Children
Church teaching is that a declaration of nullity doesn’t make the children of the marriage illegitimate. Children born to a couple who married in good faith are considered legitimate in canon law.
Non-Catholic marriages
Tribunals can also examine marriages between non-Catholics, for example if you want to marry a Catholic and you or they were previously married. This surprises many people.
How the nullity process works in England and Wales
Each Catholic diocese has a marriage tribunal. Processes vary a little, but they usually follow similar steps.
| Stage | What usually happens |
|---|---|
| 1. Talk to your parish priest | He can explain the process and often provides a letter or helps with the application |
| 2. Civil divorce first | Tribunals generally won’t begin formal proceedings until the civil divorce is final |
| 3. Application | You complete forms and write an account of your courtship, wedding and marriage |
| 4. Witnesses | You suggest several people who knew you both, often three or four |
| 5. Former spouse | The tribunal contacts your former spouse and invites them to take part |
| 6. Evidence and judgement | Judges review the evidence. An official called the defender of the bond argues for the marriage’s validity |
| 7. Decision | You’re told the outcome. Some decisions may be reviewed |
How long it takes
Dioceses give different estimates. The Diocese of Shrewsbury says a typical case runs twelve to eighteen months from acceptance. The Diocese of Brentwood has said it hopes to complete cases within two years. Cases with overseas witnesses or complications take longer. Many people find there are long quiet periods when nothing seems to happen.
In 2015, Pope Francis’s reforms (known as Mitis Iudex Dominus Iesus) aimed to make the process quicker and simpler. They removed the requirement for an automatic second judgement and introduced a shorter process, decided by the bishop, for some cases where the facts are clear and both spouses agree. Your tribunal can tell you which process might apply.
Cost
Tribunals usually ask for a contribution towards costs. Dioceses say the amount can be paid in instalments, can be reduced in cases of hardship, and that no one is refused a hearing because they can’t pay. Your tribunal will tell you its current arrangements.
Don’t set a wedding date in advance
Because the outcome and timing can’t be guaranteed, priests and tribunals generally advise against booking a Catholic wedding until a declaration of nullity has been granted.
The emotional side
Many people find the process harder than they expected, because it means revisiting the marriage in detail. Others find it brings a sense of peace or closure. It can help to have support from a friend, a counsellor or a priest you trust. Marriage Care, a Catholic charity, offers relationship support in England and Wales.
Questions to ask your parish priest
If you’re divorced and thinking about dating, or about applying for a declaration of nullity, a conversation with your parish priest is usually the first step. It can help to go with some questions written down:
- Would my previous marriage be likely to need a full tribunal process, or a simpler documentary process?
- Which diocesan tribunal would handle my case, and how do I contact them?
- How long are cases currently taking, and what contribution does the tribunal ask for?
- What documents will I need, and who might make suitable witnesses?
- How will my former spouse be contacted, and what if I don’t know where they are?
- How does the Church see my situation while the case is under way, if I’m dating?
- If I’m in a relationship with someone who is divorced, what would they need to do?
- Are there groups or support in the diocese for separated and divorced Catholics?
If your own parish priest isn’t someone you feel comfortable talking to, you can contact the diocesan tribunal directly, or speak to another priest.
Talking to a new partner about annulment
If you meet someone and things are getting serious, it’s worth explaining where you stand fairly early, especially if either of you is divorced. Non-Catholic partners in particular may not know what an annulment involves, and may assume it’s a formality or that it says something negative about them.
A simple explanation often works: “My faith matters to me, and if we ever thought about marriage, I’d want to marry in the Church. Because I was married before, I’d need to go through a Church process called a declaration of nullity first. It can take a year or more. I wanted you to know now, so it’s not a surprise later.”
Some couples go to see the parish priest together. It’s also worth acknowledging that the process can bring up painful memories, and asking your partner for patience while it runs its course.
Dating someone who is divorced
If you’re a Catholic who is free to marry, perhaps because you’re widowed or have never married, and you meet someone divorced, their situation matters for a church wedding. If their previous marriage hasn’t been examined, they would usually need a declaration of nullity before you could marry in the Church. That applies whether or not they’re Catholic.
It’s worth raising gently and fairly early if things are getting serious, so neither of you is surprised later.
Dating someone who isn’t Catholic
Many Catholics date and marry people of other Christian traditions, other faiths or none. The Church allows mixed marriages, usually with permission from the bishop, which your parish priest can arrange. Practical questions to talk about include:
- Whether you’ll go to Mass together, or separately
- How each of you feels about a church wedding
- How you each feel about the sacraments, prayer and parish life
- Children and grandchildren, and their faith
- How you’ll handle different views on things such as contraception or end-of-life care
Our guide to Christian dating after 50 has a table of practical questions that applies here too.
Physical intimacy
Church teaching reserves sex for marriage, including for people who are divorced or widowed. Catholics hold a range of views and practices, and many find this one of the hardest areas of later-life dating. Whatever your view, it helps to think about your boundaries in advance, and to talk about them with a new partner before they become an issue, not in the moment.
Our guide to sex with a new partner after 50 covers how to have that conversation.
Where Catholics over 50 meet
Parish life
Your own parish may be small, but the wider Catholic community offers more:
- Larger parishes, cathedrals and city churches, which often have more varied congregations
- Parish groups, such as prayer groups, Bible study, the SVP (Society of St Vincent de Paul), Justice and Peace groups, choirs and social committees
- Diocesan events, retreats and days of recollection
- Pilgrimages, including diocesan pilgrimages to Lourdes, Walsingham and Rome
- Catholic volunteering, such as food banks, homeless projects, prison ministry and parish lunch clubs
Catholic and Christian dating sites
There are dating sites and apps specifically for Catholics and for Christians more generally, and some mainstream apps let you show and filter by religion. Check how many members near you are your age before paying, and how the site checks profiles. Our guide to free vs paid dating sites explains what subscriptions usually unlock. We’re testing services for our reviews and will add our findings.
Mainstream apps with a clear profile
Many Catholics use mainstream apps and say on their profile that faith matters. A line such as “My Catholic faith is important to me, and I’m looking for someone who’d be happy coming to Mass with me sometimes” helps the right people find you. The Profile Builder can help you draft a profile.
Friends and family
Introductions through parish friends are still one of the most common ways Catholics meet partners. Don’t be shy about letting people know.
Safety
Romance scammers sometimes pose as devout Christians, because shared faith builds trust quickly. Be wary of anyone who uses lots of religious language very early, claims to be working abroad, avoids video calls, talks about marriage within weeks, or asks for money, including for a church project or a charity. Our guides to romance scam messages and dating app scams targeting over-50s explain the common scripts, and our Scam Red-Flag Checker can help if you’re unsure.
Frequently asked questions
Can a divorced Catholic date?
Church teaching is that a divorced Catholic whose previous marriage is presumed valid isn’t free to marry again. That raises a question about relationships heading towards marriage. Many divorced Catholics speak to their parish priest, and some seek a declaration of nullity, before or while dating.
What’s the difference between a divorce and an annulment?
A civil divorce ends a legal marriage. A declaration of nullity is a Church finding that a valid sacramental marriage didn’t exist from the start, because something essential was missing at the time of the wedding.
How long does an annulment take in the UK?
It varies by diocese and case. English dioceses describe typical cases taking around 12 to 18 months, and up to about 2 years. Your diocesan tribunal can give you a current estimate.
Does an annulment make my children illegitimate?
Church teaching is that it doesn’t. Children of a marriage entered into in good faith are considered legitimate.
Will my ex-husband or ex-wife be contacted?
Usually, yes. Tribunals inform the former spouse and invite them to take part, though they don’t have to.
I’m widowed. Can I remarry in the Church?
Yes. The marriage bond ends with a spouse’s death. If your new partner was previously married, their situation may need to be looked at before a church wedding.
Can I receive Communion if I remarried without an annulment?
Traditionally, Catholics in this situation have been asked not to receive Communion. Pope Francis’s Amoris Laetitia encouraged pastoral discernment of individual situations, and practice varies. Your parish priest is the person to talk to.
Related guides
- Muslim marriage after divorce or widowhood: a UK guide
- Jewish dating later in life: a UK guide
- Christian dating after 50
- How to start dating again after divorce at 50
- Can you date before your divorce is final?
- Dating after bereavement: when is the right time?
- Should you remarry after 50?
- When adult children disapprove of your new partner
Sources
- Diocese of Shrewsbury, How to apply to the Marriage Tribunal for a nullity case.
- Diocese of Brentwood, Annulment procedure information.
- Pope Francis, Mitis Iudex Dominus Iesus (2015) and Amoris Laetitia (2016) (summarised).
- Code of Canon Law, on the legitimacy of children of putative marriages (summarised).
- Marriage Care, Catholic relationship support in England and Wales.
- Hearts Again editorial research on faith and later-life dating.