Bisexual people date at every age, but dating as a bisexual person after 50 can bring its own questions. You might have known you were bi for decades but spent years in a relationship that meant it rarely came up. You might have come to understand your sexuality later in life, perhaps after a divorce or bereavement. Or you might have been openly bi for years, and simply be starting to date again after a long relationship. Either way, you may be wondering how to set up a dating profile, when to tell someone, where to meet people, and how to deal with assumptions from both straight and LGBTQ+ people.
This guide covers bisexual dating after 50 in the UK: coming out later in life, choosing dating apps and settings, talking about your sexuality with potential partners, finding community, dealing with biphobia and erasure, staying safe and looking after your sexual health. We use “bisexual” or “bi” broadly, to include people who are attracted to more than one gender, including those who describe themselves as pansexual or queer.
General information, not medical or medical or psychological advice
This guide explains how things generally work in the UK so you know what to ask. It is not advice about your situation, and Hearts Again is not a law firm, financial adviser or healthcare provider. Rules differ between England, Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland and can change. Before you make any decision, speak to a qualified professional:
- a sexual health clinic (find one on the NHS website), your GP, a pharmacist or NHS 111
- your GP, a counsellor registered with the BACP, or Samaritans on 116 123 if you are struggling
The short answer
- Being bisexual is a valid identity at any age, whether you've known for decades or only recently.
- You don't owe anyone a full explanation of your history. You can share as much or as little as you like, when you feel ready.
- Most major dating apps let you choose to see men, women or everyone, and many let you add your sexuality to your profile.
- Some bisexual people face assumptions, such as being "confused" or "going through a phase", from both straight and LGBTQ+ people. These are myths.
- Bi and LGBTQ+ community groups, events and support lines can help you feel less alone. Switchboard (0800 0119 100) offers confidential support.
- Sexual health clinics are free and confidential, and welcome people of all ages and sexualities.
Being bisexual later in life
Many bisexual people over 50 grew up at a time when there was little information, little visibility and, in some cases, real hostility towards anyone who wasn’t straight. Some knew they were attracted to more than one gender from an early age but kept it private. Others only recognised it later.
Common experiences include:
- Being in a long marriage or relationship with a partner of one gender, so your bisexuality felt invisible
- Coming out later in life, perhaps after a divorce, bereavement or simply a change in how you see yourself
- Feeling you don’t quite fit in either straight or gay spaces
- Worry about how family, friends or ex-partners might react
- Relief and excitement at finally being able to explore who you are
There’s no right way to be bisexual and no right timetable. Your identity is valid whether you’ve had relationships with people of different genders or not.
The censuses in England and Wales (2021) and Scotland (2022) were the first to ask about sexual orientation, a sign of how much visibility has changed in recent years.
Coming out later in life
If you’re coming out as bisexual after 50, you may be thinking about who to tell, and how. There’s no obligation to come out to everyone, or at all. It’s your decision.
Things that people often find helpful:
- Start with someone you trust, who’s likely to be supportive
- Think about practical consequences, such as how it might affect family relationships, work or community ties
- Have a few simple words ready, such as: “I wanted to tell you that I’m bisexual. It’s something I’ve known for a long time”
- Expect a range of reactions. Some people may need time, or ask clumsy questions
- Get support, from LGBTQ+ groups, friends or a counsellor, if it feels hard
If you were married to someone of a different gender, coming out may raise questions from your ex, your children or your wider family. Our guides to dating after divorce and introducing a new partner to your children may help with the wider picture.
Dating apps and settings
Most mainstream dating apps let bisexual people choose who they see and who sees them.
Choosing who you see
On many apps you can choose to see men, women, or everyone. Some apps also offer options for non-binary people. Choosing “everyone” means you’ll see a wider range of profiles, which can be useful if you’re open to dating people of different genders.
Adding your sexuality
Several apps let you add your sexual orientation to your profile, and choose whether it’s shown. Including it can help filter out people who aren’t comfortable dating someone bisexual, which saves time and heartache. Some people prefer not to share it publicly at first, for privacy reasons, and mention it in conversation instead. Both are fine.
General and LGBTQ+ apps
You may find you use a mix of apps: general apps where you can see everyone, and LGBTQ+-specific apps or groups. Our guides to gay dating after 50 and lesbian dating after 50 look at LGBTQ+ options in more detail, and our Dating App Matcher can help you narrow down which apps suit you.
If you’re not out to everyone
If you’re not out widely, think carefully about what you share on your profile and in photos. Dating apps are public spaces, and people you know may see your profile. Some apps offer features such as hiding your profile from contacts or only showing it to people you’ve liked. Check privacy settings carefully before you start.
Your dating profile
A bisexual dating profile is much like any other: warm, specific and honest about what you’re looking for.
- Mention your sexuality if you’d like to, either in the app’s settings or in your bio, such as “Bi, and open to meeting men and women”
- Be clear about what you’re looking for: friendship, a relationship, something casual
- Include specific interests, so people have something to message about
- Use recent photos, including a clear face photo
Our guide to how to write a dating profile after 50 has more tips, and our Profile Builder can help.
Telling a potential partner
If you haven’t included your sexuality on your profile, you may wonder when to mention it. There’s no rule. Some people mention it early to avoid wasting time with someone who isn’t comfortable. Others wait until they know the person a little better.
It may help to:
- Keep it simple: “I’m bisexual, and I’ve had relationships with men and women”
- Avoid over-explaining. You don’t need to justify your identity
- Notice their reaction. Curiosity and respect are good signs. Discomfort, mockery or jealousy may be warning signs
- Set boundaries around intrusive questions, such as detailed questions about your sexual history
Common questions you might get, and how to respond
| Question or comment | A possible response |
|---|---|
| “Does that mean you’ll cheat?” | “Being bi has nothing to do with being faithful. I’m committed to whoever I’m with.” |
| “Are you sure you’re not just gay/straight?” | “Yes. I’m attracted to more than one gender.” |
| “But you were married to a man for 30 years” | “That doesn’t change who I am. I was bisexual then too.” |
| “Will you get bored with just me?” | “No. Who I’m attracted to and who I choose to be with are different things.” |
You don’t have to answer every question. It’s fine to say, “I’d rather not go into that now.”
Biphobia and bi erasure
Some bisexual people experience prejudice, sometimes called biphobia, and “bi erasure”, where their identity is ignored or dismissed. This can come from straight people and from some LGBTQ+ people.
Common myths include:
- That bisexuality is a phase, or that people are “confused”
- That bisexual people are more likely to cheat
- That your sexuality is defined by your current partner, so you’re “gay now” or “straight now”
- That bisexual people can’t be happy with one partner
None of these are true. If you face these attitudes from a date, it may be a sign they aren’t right for you. If you find them hurtful or isolating, talking to others in the bi community can help.
Where to meet people
Online
General apps with “show me everyone” settings, LGBTQ+-specific apps and online communities all offer options. Many people use more than one.
In person
- LGBTQ+ social groups, including groups for older people
- Bi-specific groups and events. Organisations such as Bi Pride UK, the Bisexual Index and BiCon (an annual UK gathering) can help you find community
- Choirs, sports clubs, walking groups and book clubs, including LGBTQ+-inclusive ones
- Pride events, many of which welcome people of all ages
- Friends and community introductions
Our guide to how to make friends after 50 has more ideas.
Relationships and expectations
Bisexual people have relationships of all kinds. Many are monogamous. Some prefer other relationship structures, which should always be based on honesty and agreement between everyone involved. Whatever you want, being clear and honest with partners from the start helps avoid misunderstandings.
If you’re in a new relationship, it can help to talk about:
- What exclusivity means to each of you
- How out you are, and how out you’d like to be as a couple
- How to handle family and friends who may have questions
Our guide to exclusivity after 50 covers how to have that conversation.
If it’s your first relationship with someone of a particular gender
If you’ve only dated one gender before, a first relationship with someone of another gender can feel exciting and a little nerve-racking. You might worry about getting things “wrong”, or feel like a beginner again. That’s normal. Most people find that the things that matter most, such as kindness, communication, humour and respect, are the same in any relationship. It’s fine to say to a new partner, “This is new for me,” and to go at a pace that feels comfortable.
Bisexual and widowed or divorced
Many bisexual people over 50 are dating again after the end of a long relationship. If your late spouse or ex was of a different gender to the people you’re now hoping to meet, you may face extra questions from family, friends or even yourself.
- Grief and identity can overlap. You can grieve a partner you loved deeply and still be bisexual. One doesn’t cancel out the other
- Family may need time. Children or in-laws may struggle to understand, especially if they see your new relationship as a rejection of your past one. It isn’t
- Bereavement support services are for everyone. If you’d like support from people who understand LGBTQ+ experiences, Switchboard and local LGBTQ+ centres can help
Our guides to dating after bereavement and telling family you’re dating again after bereavement cover the wider picture.
When family meet a partner of a different gender
If your family have only ever known you with partners of one gender, introducing a new partner of another gender can be a big moment. It can help to:
- Tell close family first, privately, before introducing a partner
- Give people time to adjust, especially older relatives or adult children
- Keep introductions low-key, such as a coffee or a walk, rather than a big family occasion
- Set boundaries if people are unkind. You can say, “I’d like you to treat my partner with respect”
Most families adjust with time, though not always at the pace you’d like.
If you’re dating someone who is bisexual
This section is for partners. If you’re dating someone who has told you they’re bisexual, a few things can help:
- Thank them for telling you. It may not have been easy
- Ask questions respectfully, and accept that some things may be private
- Don’t assume that bisexuality means someone is less committed or more likely to cheat
- Notice your own worries. If you feel insecure, talk about it calmly, rather than making it their problem to fix
- Respect their privacy about who they’re out to
Staying safe
Most dating safety advice applies to everyone. Some points are particularly relevant for bisexual people:
- Protect your privacy, especially if you’re not out to everyone
- Be wary of anyone who threatens to “out” you, or uses your sexuality to pressure you
- Meet in public, tell a friend where you’re going and arrange your own transport
- Be cautious of romance scams, which target people of all sexualities. Never send money to someone you haven’t met
Our first date safety checklist and guide to dating app scams targeting over-50s cover the details. Galop supports LGBTQ+ people experiencing abuse, harassment or hate crime.
Sexual health
If you’re having sex with new partners, it’s sensible to look after your sexual health, whatever your age. NHS sexual health clinics offer free, confidential testing and advice to everyone, and many areas offer free home testing kits. Our guide to sexual health and STI testing after 50 explains how to get tested.
Looking after yourself
Coming out or dating as a bisexual person later in life can bring up strong feelings, from joy to anxiety. It may help to:
- Talk to people who understand, such as bi or LGBTQ+ groups
- Use support lines: Switchboard, the national LGBTQ+ support line, is on 0800 0119 100, 10am to 10pm every day
- Talk to your GP about NHS talking therapies if you’re struggling with your mood
- Be patient with yourself. There’s no deadline for working things out
Common situations
“I’ve only ever been with men, but I’m attracted to women too”
That’s very common. Your identity is valid whatever your experience. You might start by setting your apps to see everyone and seeing how it feels.
“My ex-husband doesn’t know I’m bi”
You don’t have to tell him. Your sexuality is your business, unless you choose to share it.
“Lesbian women on apps seem wary of me”
Some bi people find this. Being clear on your profile and finding bi-friendly spaces can help.
“My new partner keeps asking if I’ll leave him for a woman”
That’s a common worry. Reassure him if you can, but if jealousy continues, it may help to talk about it openly. Our guide to jealousy in a new relationship may help.
“I’m 60 and just realised I’m bi”
It’s never too late. Many people come to understand their sexuality later in life.
Frequently asked questions
Is it normal to come out as bisexual after 50?
Yes. Many people come out later in life, for all sorts of reasons.
Which dating apps are good for bisexual people?
Most mainstream apps let you choose to see men, women or everyone, and some let you show your sexuality on your profile.
Do I have to tell dates I’m bisexual?
No, but many people find it helps to mention it fairly early, to filter out people who aren’t comfortable.
What if someone reacts badly?
You don’t have to justify yourself. A negative reaction may be a sign they aren’t right for you.
Where can I find bi community?
Bi Pride UK, the Bisexual Index, BiCon, local LGBTQ+ centres and online communities can all help.
Where can I get support?
Switchboard (0800 0119 100) offers confidential LGBTQ+ support. Your GP can tell you about talking therapies.
Related guides
- Trans dating later in life: a guide for over-50s
- Gay dating after 50 in the UK
- Lesbian dating after 50 in the UK
- Dating after losing a same-sex partner
- Exclusivity after 50
- Sexual health and STI testing after 50
- First date safety checklist
Sources
- ONS, Census 2021 (England and Wales), sexual orientation; Scotland’s Census 2022.
- Switchboard; Galop; Bi Pride UK; the Bisexual Index; BiCon.
- NHS: sexual health clinics and STI testing.