Arthritis is one of the most common long-term conditions in the UK, and many people dating after 50 live with it. Versus Arthritis estimates that more than 10 million people in the UK have arthritis or a similar condition affecting the joints. Yet when it comes to dating, it can feel like something you have to hide or apologise for. You might worry about pain on a first date, cancelling because of a flare, how a new partner will react, or what intimacy might be like.
This guide is about dating with arthritis: building confidence, deciding when and how to tell someone, choosing dates that work for your body, managing flares and fatigue, talking about intimacy, and finding support. It doesn’t give medical advice. For questions about your symptoms, treatment or what’s safe for you, talk to your GP, rheumatology team or physiotherapist.
General information, not medical advice
This guide explains how things generally work in the UK so you know what to ask. It is not advice about your situation, and Hearts Again is not a law firm, financial adviser or healthcare provider. Rules differ between England, Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland and can change. Before you make any decision, speak to a qualified professional:
- your GP, a pharmacist or NHS 111 (Scotland: NHS inform or 111). In an emergency, call 999
- a sexual health clinic (find one on the NHS website), your GP, a pharmacist or NHS 111
The short answer
- Arthritis is very common, and many people with arthritis date, form relationships and enjoy fulfilling love lives.
- You don't have to mention arthritis on your profile or first date. You can share when it feels right.
- Choosing dates that suit your energy and mobility, such as cafés, gardens, galleries or short walks, can help you relax.
- Flares and fatigue can be unpredictable. Being honest and having a back-up plan makes cancelling less stressful.
- Intimacy is still possible. Your GP, rheumatology team or physiotherapist can advise on managing pain and stiffness, and Versus Arthritis has information on sex and relationships.
- Support is available from Versus Arthritis (helpline 0800 5200 520), the National Rheumatoid Arthritis Society and the NHS.
Arthritis and dating: the basics
“Arthritis” covers many conditions that cause pain and inflammation in the joints. The most common is osteoarthritis. Others include rheumatoid arthritis, psoriatic arthritis, gout and ankylosing spondylitis. Symptoms vary widely, from occasional stiffness to daily pain, fatigue and reduced mobility.
How arthritis affects dating depends on your condition and how it affects you. Common concerns include:
- Pain and stiffness, especially after sitting or in the morning
- Fatigue, which can be particularly strong with inflammatory types such as rheumatoid arthritis
- Unpredictable flares, which can make planning difficult
- Mobility, such as walking distances, stairs or getting in and out of cars
- Hand problems, which can make some tasks or gestures harder
- Body image and confidence, including joint changes or the use of aids
- Medication side effects, which can affect energy and mood
You’re not alone. Arthritis is so common that many of the people you meet on dating apps will have it, or know someone who does.
Confidence and self-image
Living with a long-term condition can affect how you see yourself. Some people with arthritis say they feel older than they are, less attractive, or worry about being a burden. These feelings are understandable, but they don’t define your worth as a partner.
It may help to:
- Focus on what you bring: your humour, kindness, interests and experience
- Remember that everyone brings something to a relationship, including health issues, family commitments or past hurts
- Talk to others with arthritis, through Versus Arthritis or online communities, who understand what it’s like
- Get support if low mood is affecting you. Your GP can tell you about NHS talking therapies
Our guide to how to feel attractive again after 50 covers confidence more broadly.
If you’ve recently been diagnosed
A new diagnosis can bring a lot to process: appointments, new medication, changes to your routine and worries about the future. Some people feel they should put dating on hold until they’ve adjusted. Others find that meeting new people is a welcome distraction. Both are reasonable.
If you’ve been recently diagnosed, it may help to:
- Give yourself time to understand your condition and how it affects you
- Ask your healthcare team what to expect, including how treatment might affect your energy
- Start with low-pressure contact, such as messaging or phone calls, if dates feel like too much right now
- Remember that a diagnosis doesn’t change who you are
Many people find that, once treatment settles, they have more energy and confidence than they expected.
Questions to ask yourself before you start
Before you start dating, it can help to think through a few practical questions:
- What kind of dates feel comfortable for me at the moment?
- What time of day do I usually feel best?
- How much do I want to share, and when?
- What would I need from a partner to feel supported, without feeling looked after?
- Who can I talk to if a date goes badly, or a flare knocks my confidence?
Writing down your answers can help you go into dating feeling more in control.
Should you mention arthritis on your profile?
It’s your choice. There are good reasons either way.
| Approach | Pros | Cons |
|---|---|---|
| Mention it on your profile | Filters out people who aren’t understanding; no need for a big conversation later | Some people may judge before getting to know you |
| Mention it early in messaging | You can explain in your own words | Can feel awkward to bring up |
| Mention it on a date | They’ve met you first, so it’s less likely to define you | May feel like a “reveal” |
| Mention it when it comes up | Natural and low-key | May need explaining if a flare affects plans |
If you do mention it on your profile, keep it brief and practical, and focus on what you enjoy. For example: “I have arthritis, so I’m more of a café and gallery person than a fell walker, but I love a gentle stroll by the river.” Our guide to dating with a health condition covers disclosure in more depth.
Telling a date
When you’re ready, a few simple sentences are usually enough:
- “I have rheumatoid arthritis. It’s mostly well managed, but I sometimes get flares, so I might occasionally need to change plans.”
- “I’ve got arthritis in my knees, so I’d rather sit down for a coffee than go for a long walk, if that’s OK.”
- “My hands get stiff sometimes, so if I struggle with a jar lid, that’s why!”
Notice how they respond. Curiosity, kindness and practical questions are good signs. Someone who seems dismissive, or makes you feel like a burden, may not be the right person for you.
You don’t need to share every detail of your condition or treatment. It’s fine to say, “I’m happy to talk about it more another time.”
Choosing dates that work for you
Picking the right date can make a big difference to how comfortable and relaxed you feel.
| Date idea | Why it can work | Things to check |
|---|---|---|
| Coffee or tea | Seated, short, easy to leave | Comfortable chairs, step-free access |
| Lunch | Seated, daytime, when energy may be better | Table height, distance from transport |
| Garden visit | Gentle walking, plenty of benches | Path surfaces, distances, café |
| Gallery or museum | Indoors, flexible pace, seating | Lifts, benches, cloakroom |
| Cinema or theatre | Seated, built-in conversation topic | Seat type, aisle seats, access |
| Short scenic walk | Fresh air and movement | Flat, short routes with places to sit |
| Afternoon tea | Relaxed and seated | Booking, access |
Our guide to first date ideas over 50 has more ideas.
Practical tips
- Choose a time of day when you tend to feel best. For some people, mornings are stiff; for others, energy fades in the evening
- Check access in advance: steps, lifts, parking, toilets and seating
- Plan your journey, including parking or a drop-off point close to the venue
- Wear comfortable, supportive shoes and clothes that are easy to manage
- Bring what you need, such as medication, a cushion or a walking aid
- Suggest the venue yourself, so you know it suits you
If you use a walking aid, you don’t need to hide it. It helps you enjoy the date. Our guide to dating as a wheelchair user includes accessibility tips that may also be useful.
Help with travel
Depending on your circumstances, you may be eligible for help such as a Disabled Persons Railcard or a Blue Badge for parking. Eligibility rules vary, so check the official websites or ask your local council.
Online dating with arthritis
If arthritis affects your hands, wrists or neck, long sessions of typing and swiping on a phone can be uncomfortable. A few ideas that some people find helpful:
- Use a tablet or computer with a bigger screen and keyboard. Our guide to using dating apps on a computer explains which services allow this
- Use voice-to-text or voice notes, which most phones offer
- Keep sessions short, rather than spending long periods on apps
- Move to a phone call sooner, if typing is tiring
Weather and seasons
Many people with arthritis say their symptoms feel worse in cold or damp weather. If that’s true for you, it may help to plan indoor dates in winter, check the forecast before outdoor plans, and keep warm layers handy.
Flares, fatigue and cancelling
One of the hardest things about dating with arthritis can be the unpredictability. A flare or a day of heavy fatigue can make it impossible to go out, even if you were looking forward to it.
It can help to:
- Be honest early that this might happen: “If I have a bad day, I might need to rearrange, but it won’t be because I’m not keen”
- Have a back-up plan, such as a phone or video call instead of meeting
- Rearrange quickly, so the other person knows you’re still interested
- Plan lower-energy dates when you’re unsure how you’ll feel
- Pace yourself. Some people find it helps to rest before and after a date
A kind, understanding partner will usually appreciate the honesty. If someone repeatedly makes you feel guilty for cancelling because of your health, that’s worth noticing.
Intimacy and sex
Many people with arthritis enjoy fulfilling sex lives, but pain, stiffness, fatigue and medication can sometimes make intimacy harder. It’s a topic many people find difficult to raise, but it’s important and very common.
Things people with arthritis sometimes find helpful include:
- Talking openly with a partner about what feels comfortable, and what doesn’t
- Choosing a time of day when pain and stiffness are usually lower
- Taking things slowly, and not focusing solely on intercourse. Our guide to intimacy without sex after 50 explores other ways to be close
- Using pillows or cushions for support
- Asking your healthcare team. Your GP, rheumatology team or physiotherapist can advise on managing pain, timing medication and what’s safe for your joints
Some medications can affect libido, energy or, in some cases, fertility or pregnancy. If you have questions, talk to your GP or rheumatology team. Versus Arthritis has information on sex and relationships for people with arthritis.
Our guide to sex with a new partner after 50 covers the wider picture, and our guide to sexual health and STI testing after 50 explains how to look after your sexual health with a new partner.
If your partner has arthritis
If you’re dating someone with arthritis, a few things can help:
- Ask what helps, rather than assuming
- Be flexible about plans and pace
- Don’t take cancellations personally, if they’re because of a flare
- Offer help without taking over. Many people value their independence
- Learn a little about their condition, from reliable sources such as Versus Arthritis or the NHS
Weekends away and holidays
As a relationship develops, you may start planning trips together. A little planning can make them more comfortable:
- Choose accommodation carefully: ground-floor rooms or lifts, a comfortable bed and a walk-in shower can make a big difference
- Build in rest time between activities
- Book assistance at stations or airports if you need it. Most train operators and airports offer free assistance if you ask in advance
- Pack medication in your hand luggage, with enough for delays
- Talk about pace beforehand, so you’re both happy with the plans
Our guide to solo travel after 50 includes general travel tips that may also help.
Living with arthritis in a longer relationship
As relationships develop, arthritis can affect everyday life together: who does which jobs, holidays, hobbies and intimacy. Couples often find it helps to:
- Talk regularly about how things are going, including frustrations
- Share tasks fairly, based on what each person can do
- Keep doing things you enjoy together, adapting where needed
- Protect the relationship from becoming patient and carer, where possible. Make time for fun and closeness, not just health
If one of you becomes a carer for the other, Carers UK offers information and support. Our guide to keeping a relationship strong after 50 covers health and caring in relationships.
Staying safe
The usual safety advice applies: meet in public, tell a friend where you’re going, and arrange your own transport. If you have limited mobility, choosing a venue close to transport or parking can help you leave easily if you want to.
Be cautious of anyone who seems very keen very quickly, avoids video calls or asks for money, including for “treatments” or medical costs. Our guides to romance scam cover stories and our first date safety checklist explain the warning signs.
Support and information
- Versus Arthritis: information, an online community and a free helpline on 0800 5200 520
- National Rheumatoid Arthritis Society (NRAS): support for people with rheumatoid arthritis
- The NHS: information on types of arthritis and treatment, and your GP, rheumatology team or physiotherapist for personal advice
- Carers UK, if you or a partner provide care
Common situations
“I’m worried a date will think I’m old because I use a stick”
Many people use walking aids at all ages. Most people will focus on you, not your stick.
“I had to cancel two dates because of flares”
Explain honestly and suggest a phone call or a new date. An understanding person will wait.
“My hands make me self-conscious”
That’s understandable. You don’t have to explain unless you want to, and many people won’t notice.
“Sex is painful and I’m scared to start a new relationship”
That’s a common fear. Your GP or rheumatology team can advise on managing pain, and a partner who cares will be patient.
“My new partner keeps trying to do everything for me”
They may be trying to help. Tell them kindly what you’d like help with, and what you’d rather do yourself.
Frequently asked questions
Can I date with arthritis?
Yes. Many people with arthritis date and have happy, loving relationships.
Should I tell my date about my arthritis?
It’s up to you. Many people mention it early in a brief, practical way, while others wait until they know someone better.
What are good first dates with arthritis?
Seated, accessible dates, such as coffee, lunch, galleries, gardens or the cinema, often work well.
What if I have a flare before a date?
Explain honestly, suggest a phone or video call instead, and rearrange as soon as you can.
Can arthritis affect sex?
It can, through pain, stiffness, fatigue or medication. Your GP or rheumatology team can advise, and Versus Arthritis has helpful information.
Where can I get support?
Versus Arthritis (0800 5200 520), the National Rheumatoid Arthritis Society and the NHS.
Related guides
- Dating with a health condition
- Dating as a wheelchair user
- Intimacy without sex after 50
- Sex with a new partner after 50
- First date ideas over 50
- How to feel attractive again after 50
Sources
- Versus Arthritis, “10 million” report; Versus Arthritis helpline.
- NHS: arthritis overview.
- National Rheumatoid Arthritis Society; Carers UK.