Trans and non-binary people date at every age. Some transitioned decades ago and are dating again after a divorce or bereavement. Others have transitioned, or are transitioning, in their fifties, sixties or later, sometimes after a long marriage or a lifetime of keeping their identity private. And some are partners of trans people, or are curious about dating someone trans for the first time. Whatever your situation, dating later in life as a trans person can bring hope and excitement, along with questions about safety, disclosure, family and where to meet people who’ll accept you as you are.
This guide is for trans and non-binary people over 50 who are dating, or thinking about it. It covers transitioning later in life, choosing apps and spaces, deciding when and how to talk about being trans, staying safe, dealing with rejection and unwanted attention, family, sexual health and finding community. There’s also a section for people dating a trans partner. It doesn’t give legal or medical advice. Where those questions come up, we point you to organisations that can help.
General information, not medical or psychological, medical or legal advice
This guide explains how things generally work in the UK so you know what to ask. It is not advice about your situation, and Hearts Again is not a law firm, financial adviser or healthcare provider. Rules differ between England, Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland and can change. Before you make any decision, speak to a qualified professional:
- your GP, a counsellor registered with the BACP, or Samaritans on 116 123 if you are struggling
- a sexual health clinic (find one on the NHS website), your GP, a pharmacist or NHS 111
- a solicitor, for example through the Law Society (England and Wales), the Law Society of Scotland or the Law Society of Northern Ireland, or Citizens Advice for free initial guidance
The short answer
- Trans and non-binary people of all ages date, fall in love and build lasting relationships.
- Whether, when and how you tell someone you're trans is your decision. Many people weigh up safety, privacy and how serious things are becoming.
- Some apps and spaces are more trans-inclusive than others. Profile settings, reporting tools and community recommendations can help you choose.
- Put your safety first: meet in public, tell a friend where you're going and trust your instincts.
- Galop supports LGBTQ+ people experiencing abuse or hate crime, and Switchboard (0800 0119 100) offers confidential support.
- Gender reassignment is a protected characteristic under the Equality Act 2010.
Trans people later in life
The 2021 Census for England and Wales was the first to ask about gender identity. Around 262,000 people aged 16 and over, about 0.5% of that population, said their gender identity was different from the sex they were registered at birth. Many more people may not have answered, or may not use those words to describe themselves.
People over 50 who are trans or non-binary have often lived through very different times. Some transitioned when there was little support and much hostility. Others kept their identity private for years, sometimes because of family, work, faith or fear, and are only now living openly. Whatever your path, your identity is valid, and you deserve relationships where you’re respected.
Transitioning later in life and dating
If you’ve transitioned recently, or are in the process, dating can feel like a big step. You may be:
- Getting used to being seen as yourself in public
- Navigating changes in your body, voice or appearance
- Rebuilding relationships with family and friends
- Unsure where you fit in dating, especially if you were previously in a long marriage
- Excited to finally date as yourself
There’s no right time to start dating. Some people wait until they feel more settled. Others find that dating and building connections are part of becoming comfortable. It’s fine to go at your own pace.
If you’re going through medical transition, questions about how treatment might affect your body, mood or sexual health are best answered by your GP or gender service.
Mixed feelings about lost time
Some people who transition later in life feel grief or regret about the years they spent not living as themselves, including relationships, youth or experiences they feel they missed. Others feel mainly relief and joy. Many feel both. These feelings can surface when dating, especially if you’re dating as yourself for the first time in your fifties or sixties. Talking to others who’ve had similar experiences, or to a counsellor, can help.
Dating as a non-binary person
Non-binary people, who don’t identify only as a man or a woman, can face particular challenges in dating. Apps may not offer the options you need, and potential partners may not understand what non-binary means.
- Look for apps with inclusive gender options, and use your bio to explain if needed
- Share your pronouns in your profile, if you’d like to
- Be prepared for questions, and decide how much explaining you’re willing to do
- Look for people who already understand, such as in LGBTQ+ communities
Being non-binary later in life is just as valid as at any other age.
Dating other trans people
Some trans people prefer to date other trans or non-binary people, because of shared understanding and experience. Others prefer not to, or have no preference. Community groups and LGBTQ+ events can be good places to meet other trans people, as well as people who are comfortable with and knowledgeable about trans lives.
Choosing apps and spaces
Dating apps
Many mainstream apps now offer more gender options and let you choose who you see. Some also have features for reporting harassment and blocking people. Before you start, it can help to:
- Check gender and orientation options on the app, so you can describe yourself accurately
- Look at the reporting and blocking tools
- Ask other trans people which apps they’ve found more welcoming
- Read the app’s community guidelines on harassment and discrimination
Our Dating App Matcher can help you narrow down options, and our guides to gay dating after 50, lesbian dating after 50 and bisexual dating after 50 look at LGBTQ+ apps and spaces in more detail.
In person
- LGBTQ+ community groups, including groups for older people. Opening Doors, for example, supports LGBTQ+ people over 50
- Trans-specific social groups and support groups, often run by local LGBTQ+ centres
- Pride events, many of which welcome people of all ages
- Inclusive clubs and activities, such as choirs, walking groups and sports teams
- Friends and community introductions
Our guide to how to make friends after 50 has more ideas.
Your dating profile
Your profile is a chance to show who you are, including as much or as little about being trans as you choose.
- Some people mention it upfront, for example “Trans woman, 58”, to filter out people who aren’t accepting and save time
- Some people don’t mention it on their profile and prefer to tell matches later
- Some use the app’s gender options to indicate it, without adding more in their bio
There’s no right approach. Think about what feels safest and most comfortable for you. Our guide to how to write a dating profile after 50 and our Profile Builder can help with the rest.
Photos
Use recent photos that show you as you are now. If you’re early in your transition, some people find it helps to wait until they feel comfortable with how they look in photos. It’s your choice.
Telling someone you’re trans
If you haven’t shared it on your profile, you may wonder when to tell someone. People’s approaches vary:
| When | Things to consider |
|---|---|
| In your profile | Filters out people early; may attract unwanted attention |
| In early messages | Gives the other person time to decide before meeting; keeps you in control |
| Before or on a first date | More personal, but think about your safety if you’re meeting in person |
| Later, once you know each other | May feel more natural, but could lead to a harder conversation if they react badly |
Whatever you decide, put your safety first. Many trans people prefer to share before meeting in person, so they’re not alone with someone when they find out. If you do tell someone in person, choose a public place.
How you might say it
- “Before we meet, I wanted to let you know I’m trans. I’d rather you knew now.”
- “I’m a trans man, and I transitioned a few years ago. Happy to answer questions if you have any.”
- “I’m non-binary and use they/them pronouns.”
You don’t have to share details of your medical history, your body or your past. It’s fine to say, “I’d rather not go into that.”
If you have questions about disclosure and the law
If you’re worried about legal aspects of disclosure in relationships, organisations such as TransActual or a solicitor can explain where you stand. We don’t give legal advice.
Dealing with rejection
Rejection is part of dating for everyone. For trans people, it can sometimes feel more personal, especially if someone reacts with ignorance or hostility. It may help to:
- Remember that rejection says more about them than about you
- Leave conversations that become disrespectful
- Block and report abusive messages
- Talk to friends or community who understand
- Take breaks from dating if it’s affecting your wellbeing
Our guide to how to stop taking dating rejection personally has more.
Unwanted attention and fetishisation
Some trans people experience attention from people who see them mainly as a fantasy or fetish, rather than as a person. Warning signs include:
- Immediate, intrusive questions about your body or sexual history
- Interest only in sex, with no curiosity about your life
- Wanting to keep you secret, or only meeting in private
- Using language you find degrading
You don’t owe anyone your time. It’s fine to end the conversation and block them.
Staying safe
Safety advice applies to everyone, but some points matter particularly for trans people:
- Video call before meeting, to check the person is who they say they are
- Meet in a public place, and arrange your own transport
- Tell a friend where you’re going and when you’ll be back
- Be careful with personal information, such as your address, workplace or deadname
- Trust your instincts. If something feels wrong, leave
- Keep evidence of threats or harassment
If you experience abuse, threats or hate crime, Galop offers specialist support for LGBTQ+ people. In an emergency, call 999. Our first date safety checklist and guide to why to video call before meeting have more.
Romance scammers target people of all identities, including people who may feel isolated. Never send money to someone you haven’t met. Our guide to dating app scams targeting over-50s explains the warning signs.
Your rights
Gender reassignment is one of the protected characteristics under the Equality Act 2010. This means it’s generally unlawful for service providers, employers and others covered by the Act to discriminate against you because you’re trans. If you’re treated badly by a venue, business or dating service, Citizens Advice or the Equality Advisory and Support Service can explain your options. Dating apps also have their own community rules, and you can report breaches to them.
Family and friends
Family reactions vary. Some people have supportive children, siblings and friends. Others face distance or rejection, sometimes after many years. When you start dating, it can help to:
- Lean on chosen family, the friends and community who support you
- Take your time introducing partners to family
- Set boundaries with people who misgender you or are hostile
- Get support if family relationships are painful. A counsellor or support line can help
Our guide to introducing a new partner to your children covers this in more general terms.
Sexual health and intimacy
Intimacy with a new partner can bring up questions about your body, comfort and safety. It helps to:
- Talk openly with a partner about what you’re comfortable with
- Go at your own pace
- Look after your sexual health. NHS sexual health clinics are free and confidential, and many areas offer home testing kits. Some clinics have specialist services for trans and non-binary people
- Ask your GP or gender service about any medical questions, such as how hormones affect sexual health
Our guides to sexual health and STI testing after 50 and sex with a new partner after 50 cover the wider picture.
If you’re dating a trans person
If you’re dating someone who is trans or non-binary, a few things can make a real difference:
- Use their name and pronouns correctly, and correct yourself simply if you slip
- Don’t ask intrusive questions about their body, surgery or past, unless they invite them
- Respect their privacy about who knows
- Don’t treat them as a novelty. They’re a person, not an experience
- Stand up for them if others are disrespectful
- Educate yourself using reliable sources, rather than expecting them to explain everything
If you’re unsure how you feel about dating someone trans, it’s better to be honest early than to string someone along.
If your long-term partner transitions
Some people are in a long relationship when their partner comes out as trans. This can bring a wide range of feelings for both people, from relief and love to grief and uncertainty. Some couples stay together, others separate. There’s no right outcome. Counselling with someone experienced in gender identity can help, and LGBTQ+ organisations may be able to point you to support.
Support and community
- Switchboard, the national LGBTQ+ support line: 0800 0119 100, 10am to 10pm every day
- Galop, for LGBTQ+ people experiencing abuse, harassment or hate crime
- TransActual, for information on trans rights and issues
- LGBT Foundation, for advice and support
- Opening Doors, for LGBTQ+ people over 50
- Local LGBTQ+ centres, many of which run trans and older people’s groups
- Samaritans, free, any time, on 116 123
Common situations
“I transitioned at 60 and don’t know where to start”
Start small, perhaps with community groups or a trans-inclusive app. Going at your own pace is fine.
“Someone stopped replying when I told them I’m trans”
That hurts, but it says more about them than you. It’s also why many people prefer to share before meeting.
“My grown-up children don’t want to meet anyone I’m dating”
Give them time, and lean on chosen family. A counsellor may help if it’s painful.
“Matches only ask about my body”
That’s a sign of fetishisation. You’re entitled to end the conversation and block them.
“My wife of 30 years is supporting my transition, but we don’t know what we are now”
That’s a common and complex situation. Counselling with someone experienced in gender identity can help you both.
Frequently asked questions
Do I have to tell dates I’m trans?
It’s your decision. Many people weigh up safety, privacy and how serious things are becoming. If you have legal questions, an advice organisation or solicitor can help.
Which dating apps are best for trans people?
It varies. Look for inclusive gender options and good reporting tools, and ask other trans people for recommendations.
How can I stay safe?
Video call first, meet in public, tell a friend, protect personal information and trust your instincts.
Where can I meet other trans people over 50?
Local LGBTQ+ centres, trans support groups, Opening Doors and Pride events are good places to start.
What should I do if I’m harassed?
Block and report the person. Galop supports LGBTQ+ people experiencing abuse or hate crime. In an emergency, call 999.
Where can I get support?
Switchboard (0800 0119 100), Galop, TransActual, LGBT Foundation and Samaritans (116 123).
Related guides
- Bisexual dating after 50
- Gay dating after 50 in the UK
- Lesbian dating after 50 in the UK
- First date safety checklist
- Sexual health and STI testing after 50
- How to make friends after 50
Sources
- ONS, Gender identity, England and Wales: Census 2021.
- Equality Act 2010 (gender reassignment as a protected characteristic).
- Switchboard; Galop; TransActual; LGBT Foundation; Opening Doors; Samaritans.