How to make friends after divorce

Divorce doesn’t only end a marriage. It often reshapes your whole social life. Couple friends you saw for years may go quiet. Friends may take sides, or try so hard not to that they stop inviting either of you. Your ex’s family, who may have been your family for decades, may disappear from your life. If you moved house, you may be in a new area where you know no one. And if your ex was the one who organised the dinners, the holidays and the birthday cards, you may find your diary suddenly empty.

This guide is about rebuilding friendships after a divorce or separation in your forties, fifties or sixties. It covers what typically happens to friendships when a marriage ends, how to handle mutual friends, how to make new friends when you feel raw, where divorced people over 40 actually meet others, and how friendships help when you’re ready to date again.

General information, not medical or psychological advice

This guide explains how things generally work in the UK so you know what to ask. It is not advice about your situation, and Hearts Again is not a law firm, financial adviser or healthcare provider. Rules differ between England, Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland and can change. Before you make any decision, speak to a qualified professional:

your GP, a counsellor registered with the BACP, or Samaritans on 116 123 if you are struggling

The short answer

Losing friends after divorce is very common and rarely personal. Couple friendships often depended on both of you, and people don't always know what to do.
You can't control which friends stay. You can make it easier for them by being clear about what you need, and not asking them to take sides.
Some old friendships can be rebuilt one-to-one. Others will fade, and that's normal.
New friendships grow fastest through regular activities: classes, walking groups, volunteering, choirs, sports clubs and divorce support groups.
Other divorced and separated people often become close friends, because they understand.
Strong friendships make dating after divorce easier and safer, and stop you rushing into a rebound relationship out of loneliness.
If you're struggling with low mood or loneliness, your GP, the Samaritans (116 123) and counselling services such as Relate can help.

Why friendships change after divorce

It helps to know that what’s happening to your social life is common. It’s not proof that you were never liked.

Couple friendships were built on both of you

Many friendships in a long marriage are with other couples. You went to dinner as four. You holidayed together, and the children played together. When one couple separates, the shape of the friendship breaks. Friends may not know whether to invite you, your ex or both, and end up inviting neither.

People feel awkward

Friends often worry about saying the wrong thing, or feel caught in the middle. Some feel unsettled. A divorce among friends can make people reflect on their own marriage, which they may not want to do.

Some friends were really your ex’s

Over a long marriage, friendship circles blend. After a separation, it often becomes clear which friends were mainly your ex’s, and which were yours.

Sides get taken

Sometimes friends do take sides, especially if the divorce was acrimonious or one person left for someone else. That can be very painful, particularly with friends of many years.

Your ex’s family

Losing in-laws can be one of the most painful parts of divorce, especially if you were close or if children and grandchildren are involved. Some relationships survive. Others don’t.

Practical changes

Moving house, changing work patterns, having less money or juggling childcare can all make it harder to see people. Some of this eases with time.

Handling mutual friends

This is often the hardest part. A few principles help.

Don’t ask friends to choose

Even if you feel hurt, asking friends to pick a side usually backfires. Most people want to stay friends with both of you, at least at first. You’ll keep more friendships by making that easy.

Tell them what you’d like

Many friends simply don’t know what to do. It helps to say it:

“I’d love to still see you. I’m happy to meet just us, so you don’t have to worry about [ex].”
“You don’t have to choose. I know you’re friends with both of us.”
“I’d rather not hear about [ex]’s new partner for a while, if that’s OK.”

Meet one-to-one

Couple dinners may be awkward for a while. Coffee, a walk or a drink with one friend often feels more comfortable for everyone.

Be careful what you share

It’s natural to want to talk about the divorce. But mutual friends may pass things on, sometimes with good intentions. It can help to keep the most painful details for a counsellor, a close friend or a support group.

Let some friendships go

Some friendships won’t survive, and that’s not necessarily anyone’s fault. Accepting that, rather than chasing people, protects your energy for the friendships that do continue and the new ones you’ll build.

Old friends worth reconnecting with

Long marriages often mean losing touch with friends from before: school, university, early jobs, old neighbourhoods. Divorce can be a good time to reconnect. A simple message often works:

“I was thinking about you the other day. It’s been far too long. How are you?”
“I’m going through a bit of a change at the moment and it’s made me think about people I miss. Would you fancy a catch-up?”

Many people are delighted to hear from an old friend, and some will have been through a divorce themselves.

Making new friends after divorce

Making friends as an adult takes deliberate effort, and divorce can knock your confidence. The good news is that new friendships made after divorce are often with people who know the new you, not the married you.

Choose regular activities

Friendships grow from regular contact. Activities that meet weekly or fortnightly, such as a class, a walking group or volunteering, work much better than one-off events. Go at least three or four times before deciding whether a group suits you.

Good places to start

Divorce and separation support groups. Many areas have them, run by charities, churches or community groups, and there are online communities too. Other people going through the same thing can become close friends.
Walking groups and parkrun. Walking side by side makes conversation easy, and parkrun is free and weekly.
Classes and courses. Languages, art, cooking, dance, pottery. Dance classes such as ballroom and salsa are popular with people who are newly single.
Choirs. Community choirs are famously sociable and welcoming to beginners.
Volunteering. Charity shops, food banks, conservation groups, heritage projects and befriending schemes.
Sports clubs. Tennis, golf, running, cycling, swimming and walking football or netball.
u3a. If you’re retired or semi-retired, the u3a has more than 1,000 local groups across the UK.
Faith communities, if they’re part of your life.

Our main guide to how to make friends after 50 goes into more detail on each.

Turn acquaintances into friends

The step most people skip is following up. After you’ve chatted with someone a few times, suggest something small: “A few of us are going for coffee after. Would you like to come?” or “Shall we swap numbers?” Most people are glad to be asked.

Be honest, but not all at once

You don’t need to hide your divorce, and many people will relate. But new friendships usually do better if the divorce isn’t the only thing you talk about. Let people get to know your interests, your humour and your plans too.

What to say when people ask about your divorce

People will ask, sometimes kindly and sometimes clumsily. Having a few phrases ready saves you from saying more than you want, or getting upset in the middle of a supermarket. You might say:

To acquaintances: “Yes, we’ve separated. It’s been a big change, but I’m doing OK, thanks.”
To people who push for details: “I’d rather not go into it, but thanks for asking.”
To friends you trust: “It’s been really hard. Could we get a coffee? I’d love to talk properly.”
When someone criticises your ex to you: “I appreciate you being on my side, but I’d rather not talk about them.”

You don’t owe anyone the full story. A short, calm answer usually ends the conversation and leaves the door open for friendship.

Social events where your ex will be

Weddings, christenings, milestone birthdays, school events and funerals can all bring you into the same room as your ex, and sometimes their new partner. A few things help:

Find out in advance who’s going, so you’re not caught off guard.
Take a friend if you can, or arrange to sit with people you’re comfortable with.
Plan your exit. Know how you’re getting home, and give yourself permission to leave early.
Keep it brief and civil. A polite greeting is enough. You don’t need a long conversation.
Think about the children. If your children are there, a calm, friendly manner between parents matters a lot to them, whatever their age.

Over time, many divorced couples find these events become easier.

Social media after divorce

Social media can make rebuilding friendships harder. Mutual friends’ photos, your ex’s updates and well-meaning comments can all hurt. Some people find it helps to:

Mute or unfollow your ex, and anyone whose posts you find upsetting, without making a point of it
Take a break from posting for a while
Use private messages to reach out to friends one-to-one
Join local groups for your interests, which can lead to new in-person friendships

Christmas, birthdays and holidays

The first year after a separation brings a run of “firsts”: the first Christmas, the first birthday, the first summer holiday on your own. These can be the loneliest days, especially if the children are with your ex. Planning ahead helps a lot.

Make plans early. Ask a friend or relative if you can join them, or invite others who may be on their own.
Start a new tradition. A long walk, a volunteering shift, a trip somewhere you’ve always wanted to go, or a meal with other single friends.
Volunteer. Many charities need extra help over Christmas, and it’s a good way to meet people with a shared purpose.
Try a group holiday. Group tours and activity holidays for solo travellers mean you have company without having to organise it. Our guide to solo travel after 50 explains the options.
Be kind to yourself. It’s fine if these days are hard. They usually get easier with time.

Friends who are also divorced

Many people find their closest new friends are others who have been through a separation. You understand each other, you’re often free at the same times, and you can share practical tips about money, the house, children and dating.

It’s worth being a little careful, though. Friendships built entirely around shared grievances can keep you stuck. The best friendships of this kind help each other move forward.

If you’re a parent

Divorce often changes your time with your children, and that affects your social life.

Weekends without children can feel very empty at first. Planning regular activities for those weekends helps.
Other parents from school or clubs may stay friendly, though couple friendships may drift.
Single-parent groups and online communities can offer friendship and practical support.
Adult children may feel caught in the middle. It helps not to rely on them as your main social outlet.

Our guide to introducing a new partner to your children covers the later step of dating as a parent.

Men and divorce

Many men find their social life shrinks especially sharply after divorce, particularly if their wife organised much of it and their friendships were mostly through work. If that sounds familiar:

Men’s Sheds offer practical projects and companionship. There are around 1,100 across the UK.
Sports clubs, walking football and running groups give regular contact with a shared focus.
Reconnecting with old friends can be easier than you think. A simple message is often welcome.
Talking matters. Charities such as Mind and Samaritans, and counsellors through Relate or BACP, can help if you’re struggling.

Women and divorce

Many women find their friendships are more resilient, but they may lose couple friends and in-laws, or find that friends are busy with partners or grandchildren. Women’s walking groups, book clubs, the Women’s Institute, and groups for women going through divorce are often good starting points.

Friendship and dating after divorce

Strong friendships help when you’re ready to date again:

You’re less likely to rush into a rebound relationship out of loneliness.
Friends can sense-check a new partner and spot warning signs you might miss.
Friends keep you safe, by knowing where you are on dates.
Friends introduce people. Many later-life couples meet through friends.

Our guides to how long to wait to date after separation and how to start dating again after divorce at 50 cover the dating side.

If you’re struggling

Divorce is one of the most stressful life events, and loneliness afterwards is common. If you’re finding it hard:

Your GP can talk to you about low mood or anxiety and tell you about local support, including NHS talking therapies.
Relate offers counselling for individuals as well as couples.
The Samaritans are available free on 116 123, 24 hours a day.
Age UK’s Advice Line (0800 678 1602) can tell you about local groups and befriending if you’re older.

A simple 12-week plan

Weeks 1 to 2: Message two mutual friends you’d like to keep, and suggest a one-to-one coffee or walk.
Weeks 1 to 4: Join one regular activity and one support group, online or in person.
Weeks 3 to 6: Get back in touch with two old friends from before your marriage.
Weeks 4 to 8: At your regular activity, suggest coffee or a drink with someone you’ve chatted to.
Weeks 6 to 10: Plan something for your “empty” weekends or evenings, such as a class, a walk or a regular lunch.
Week 12: Look back. Which friendships are growing? Which activities do you enjoy? Keep those, and try one new thing.

Frequently asked questions

Is it normal to lose friends after divorce?

Yes. It’s very common, especially with couple friends. It’s usually about awkwardness and changed circumstances, not about you.

How do I deal with friends who’ve taken my ex’s side?

It hurts, but you can’t force people to stay. Focus on the friends who do want to see you, and on making new ones. Some friendships recover with time.

Should I stay friends with my ex’s family?

If you were close and it feels healthy for everyone, many people do, especially where there are children or grandchildren. It can help to talk openly about it. Sometimes it isn’t possible, and that’s a loss worth grieving.

Where can I meet other divorced people?

Divorce support groups, single-parent groups, walking groups, classes, choirs, volunteering and sports clubs all attract people who are newly single. Online communities can help too.

How do I make friends when I’ve moved after my divorce?

Join regular local activities, such as a walking group, a class, a choir or volunteering. Look at local Facebook and community groups, and say yes to invitations even when you don’t feel like it.

Should I make friends before I start dating again?

It helps, though you don’t have to wait. A good social life makes dating less pressured and helps you choose a partner for the right reasons.

Related guides

Sources

u3a (membership figures as of March 2025).
UK Men’s Sheds Association (shed numbers as of March 2024).
Relate, BACP, Mind and Samaritans.
Age UK Advice Line.
Hearts Again editorial research on friendship and divorce in later life.