Some dating sites ask you to complete a long questionnaire before you see a single match. They promise to understand your personality, values and relationship style, and to introduce you to people you’re truly compatible with. For many people over 50, particularly those looking for a serious relationship, that’s appealing: it feels more thoughtful than swiping through photos. But do compatibility questionnaires actually work? And are they worth paying for?
This guide explains what compatibility questionnaires are, how some of the best-known services describe theirs, what relationship research says about whether matching algorithms can predict lasting compatibility, the genuine benefits they can offer, their limits, and how to get the most out of one if you decide to try it. We haven’t tested these services in-account for this guide, so we stick to what the services and published research say.
The short answer
- A compatibility questionnaire asks about your personality, values, habits and relationship preferences, and a service uses your answers to suggest matches.
- Services such as eharmony and Parship are built around questionnaires. Parship says its test has around 80 questions and looks at 32 personality characteristics.
- Relationship researchers have found little published evidence that matching algorithms predict long-term relationship success. A 2012 review led by Eli Finkel found no compelling evidence that any online dating matching algorithm works.
- A 2017 study found that questionnaire answers could predict who tends to be liked in general, but not who would be attracted to a specific person.
- Questionnaires can still be useful: they encourage you to think about what you want, filter for shared values and goals, and attract people looking for something serious.
- Chemistry, kindness and how you handle real life together can only be discovered by meeting. Treat any match as an introduction, not a guarantee.
What is a compatibility questionnaire?
A compatibility questionnaire is a set of questions a dating service asks when you join. It usually covers:
- Personality: for example, how outgoing, organised or emotional you are
- Values and beliefs: such as religion, family and politics
- Lifestyle and habits: such as drinking, smoking, exercise and how you spend weekends
- Relationship style: how you handle conflict, how much time you want together, what you’re looking for
- Preferences: age, location, education and other things you’d like in a partner
The service then uses your answers, along with those of other members, to suggest matches it thinks will suit you. Some show a score or number to suggest how compatible you are.
How some services describe their questionnaires
eharmony
eharmony’s UK site describes its Compatibility Quiz as the foundation of its matching system. It says the quiz looks at personality, likes and dislikes, communication style, relationship attitudes and what drives you, and that most people can complete it in around 20 minutes. eharmony says your answers create a personality profile used for matching.
Parship
Parship’s UK site says its personality test has around 80 questions, with nearly 400 possible answers, and identifies 32 personality characteristics, looking at values, attitudes, habits and interests. It says its algorithm uses 136 rules to suggest matches, and shows “matching points” to indicate how good a match is, based on a balance of similarities and differences.
Other services
Some other dating sites, including some aimed at older people, use shorter questionnaires or personality tests, and some general apps use prompts and questions to help with matching. The depth and approach vary a lot. Our guide to free vs paid dating sites explains the difference between compatibility-based sites and swipe apps.
What the research says
This is where things get interesting. Relationship scientists have looked closely at whether matching algorithms can predict who will make a good couple.
The 2012 review
In 2012, a team of psychologists led by Eli Finkel published a major review of online dating in the journal Psychological Science in the Public Interest. They concluded that there was no compelling evidence that any online dating matching algorithm actually works, in the sense of predicting long-term relationship success.
Their reasoning was that the strongest predictors of a good relationship, such as how two people interact, communicate and cope with stress together, can’t be measured before they’ve met. Questionnaires tend to focus on things that are easy to measure, such as personality similarity and shared attitudes, which research suggests are weaker predictors.
The same review found that online dating does offer real benefits, particularly access to many more potential partners, and that it works best when it leads to meeting face to face fairly quickly.
The 2017 speed-dating study
In 2017, Samantha Joel, Paul Eastwick and Eli Finkel published a study in which speed daters completed questionnaires covering more than 100 traits and preferences before meeting. The researchers used machine learning to try to predict who would be attracted to whom.
The algorithm could predict who tended to be liked in general, but it couldn’t predict who would be attracted to a specific person. The lead author said attraction to a particular person may be difficult or impossible to predict before two people have met.
What this means
None of this means questionnaire-based sites don’t work for anyone. Many people have met partners on them. But it does suggest that the questionnaire itself is probably not a magic formula. Success is likely to come from other things: the kind of people the site attracts, the effort they put in, and what happens when you meet.
The kinds of questions you might be asked
Every service is different, but questionnaires often include questions along these lines. These are our own examples, to give you a sense of the style, not questions from any particular site:
- Scales: “How much do you agree: I like to plan my weekends in advance.”
- Choices: “On a free Saturday, would you rather go to a busy market or a quiet country walk?”
- Rankings: “Put these in order of importance in a partner: humour, kindness, ambition, loyalty.”
- Scenarios: “When you disagree with a partner, do you prefer to talk straight away or take some time first?”
- Preferences: “How important is it that a partner shares your religion?”
- Lifestyle: “How often do you drink alcohol?” or “Do you have, or want, children?”
There are rarely right or wrong answers. The most useful thing you can do is answer as the person you are now, rather than the person you were in your last relationship or the person you think a partner would want.
Answering after a long marriage or a long gap
If you’re dating again after decades with one person, some questions may feel hard to answer. You may not know what you like on a Saturday any more, or how you handle conflict outside the patterns of your marriage. That’s normal. A few things that help:
- Answer for now, not for then. Your preferences may have changed.
- Don’t overthink it. Your first instinct is often the most accurate.
- Revisit your preferences later, if the site allows it, once you’ve been on a few dates.
- Notice what the questions bring up. Some people find questionnaires a helpful way to think about what they want next.
Our guide to dating again after a long marriage explores this.
What does predict a good relationship?
If questionnaires struggle to predict compatibility before people meet, what does matter? The 2012 review by Finkel and colleagues pointed out that some of the strongest predictors of how relationships go, such as how two people interact, communicate and handle stress together, only show up once people know each other. Those are things you can only learn by spending time together.
In practice, that means paying attention to how you feel with someone once you meet:
- Do you feel at ease and able to be yourself?
- Do they listen, and do you enjoy listening to them?
- How do they handle small frustrations, such as a late train or a mix-up over plans?
- Are they kind, to you and to other people?
- Do you want the same things, or at least compatible things, from the future?
Our guides to how to keep a relationship strong after 50 and communication in a new relationship after 50 look at what helps relationships work once they’ve started.
The genuine benefits of a questionnaire
Even if they can’t predict chemistry, questionnaires can be useful.
| Benefit | Why it helps |
|---|---|
| Encourages you to think about what you want | Many people find it clarifies their priorities |
| Filters for shared values and goals | Such as wanting a long-term relationship, or sharing a faith |
| Attracts people who are serious | Someone who completes a long questionnaire is often looking for more than a casual chat |
| Gives you things to talk about | Shared answers can be a conversation starter |
| Reduces endless swiping | Fewer, more considered suggestions can feel less overwhelming |
| Highlights potential deal-breakers early | Such as children, smoking or where you want to live |
For many people over 50, the biggest benefit may be the kind of members these sites attract: people who’ve chosen a slower, more considered approach, and who are often looking for something serious.
The limits
| Limitation | What it means for you |
|---|---|
| Can’t measure chemistry | You’ll only know if you click by meeting |
| Relies on honest, self-aware answers | People don’t always see themselves accurately |
| Similarity isn’t everything | Some differences can be good for a relationship |
| Scores can feel more scientific than they are | A high score doesn’t guarantee a good match |
| Smaller pools | Fewer suggestions, especially in some areas or age groups |
| Often paid | Full access to matches or messaging may require a subscription |
How to get the most out of a questionnaire
If you decide to try a compatibility-based site, these tips can help:
- Answer honestly, not how you think you should. Describing the person you’d like to be rather than who you are leads to poor matches.
- Take your time. Do it when you’re relaxed and not rushed.
- Think about the past. Your answers about conflict, time together and independence may be shaped by what did and didn’t work in previous relationships.
- Don’t over-rely on scores. Read profiles carefully and look for things you’d enjoy talking about.
- Look beyond your usual type. Questionnaires sometimes suggest people you wouldn’t have chosen yourself. It can be worth a conversation.
- Move to a call and a meeting fairly soon, as research suggests that’s where you’ll really learn whether you’re compatible. Our guide to how long to message before meeting can help.
- Complete your profile and photos too. Questionnaire answers aren’t a substitute for a warm, specific profile. Our guide to writing a dating profile after 50 and our Profile Builder can help.
Is it worth paying for?
Many compatibility-based sites charge a subscription to see full profiles, photos or to message matches. Whether it’s worth it depends on you. It may suit you if:
- You’re looking for a long-term relationship
- You prefer a slower, more considered approach to swiping
- You like the idea of fewer, more relevant suggestions
- You’re comfortable committing to a subscription for a few months
It may not suit you if:
- You’d rather try free apps first
- You live somewhere with fewer members
- You’re not sure you’re ready to commit time or money yet
Before paying, check what’s included, how long the subscription lasts, what it renews at, and how to cancel. Our guides to free vs paid dating sites and how to cancel a dating subscription explain the details. Our Dating App Matcher can help you decide which type of service may suit you.
Questionnaires vs swipe apps
| Feature | Questionnaire-based sites | Swipe apps |
|---|---|---|
| How matches are chosen | Mainly from questionnaire answers and preferences | Mainly from preferences, location, activity and behaviour |
| Time to set up | Longer | Shorter |
| Number of suggestions | Usually fewer | Usually more |
| Typical approach | Slower, more considered | Faster, more visual |
| Cost | Often paid for full features | Often free, with paid extras |
Neither is better for everyone. Many people over 50 try both. Our guide to how dating app algorithms work explains how swipe apps decide who you see.
Questions to ask yourself
- What am I looking for: something serious, companionship, or something more casual?
- Do I prefer a slower approach, or a wider choice?
- Am I comfortable spending 20 minutes or more on a questionnaire?
- How much am I prepared to pay, and for how long?
- How quickly would I like to move from messaging to meeting?
Questionnaires and professional matchmaking
Some people who like the idea of a thoughtful, questionnaire-led approach go a step further and use a professional matchmaking service, where a person rather than an algorithm suggests introductions. Matchmakers often interview clients in depth and may use their own questionnaires. These services can be expensive, and quality varies a lot, so it’s worth asking exactly what’s included, how many introductions you can expect, and what happens if it doesn’t work out. Always get the terms in writing before paying. Our guide to whether professional matchmaking is worth it explains the questions to ask.
Whichever approach you choose, the same principle applies: a questionnaire, an algorithm or a matchmaker can introduce you to someone, but only meeting will tell you whether you’re right for each other.
Common situations
“The site says we’re a 90% match, but there’s no spark”
That’s very common. A score reflects answers on paper, not chemistry. It’s fine to move on.
“My matches all seem very similar to me”
Some questionnaires focus heavily on similarity. It can be worth widening your preferences, or reading profiles with an open mind.
“I’m not getting many matches”
Compatibility-based sites often suggest fewer people, especially in some areas. Check your preferences, such as age and distance, and give it time.
“I’m not sure I answered honestly”
Many sites let you update some answers or preferences. If you can’t change the questionnaire, focus on your profile and conversations.
“Is it a scam if the matches aren’t great?”
Not necessarily. Matching isn’t perfect. But if you feel misled about what you paid for, our guide to cancelling a dating subscription explains your options.
Frequently asked questions
Do compatibility questionnaires work?
They can help you think about what you want and filter for shared values and goals. But research reviews have found little evidence that matching algorithms predict long-term relationship success.
How long does a compatibility questionnaire take?
It varies. eharmony’s UK site says most people complete its quiz in around 20 minutes. Parship says its test has around 80 questions.
Are compatibility scores accurate?
They reflect how your answers compare. They can’t measure chemistry or how you’ll get on in real life.
Are questionnaire-based sites better for over-50s?
Some people over 50 prefer their slower, more considered approach and find members are often looking for something serious. Others prefer swipe apps. Many try both.
Should I pay for a compatibility-based site?
It depends on what you’re looking for and your budget. Check what’s included and how to cancel before you pay.
What matters more than a questionnaire?
Meeting in person. Research suggests chemistry and how you interact can only really be judged face to face.
Related guides
- Dating app or dating website: which is better after 50?
- How dating app algorithms work (and how to get seen more)
- Free vs paid dating sites for over-50s
- Are dating apps worth it after 50?
- How to use dating app filters well after 50
- Is professional matchmaking worth it?
- How to cancel a dating site subscription in the UK
Sources
- Finkel, E. J., Eastwick, P. W., Karney, B. R., Reis, H. T. and Sprecher, S. (2012). Online dating: A critical analysis from the perspective of psychological science. Psychological Science in the Public Interest.
- Joel, S., Eastwick, P. W. and Finkel, E. J. (2017). Is romantic desire predictable? Machine learning applied to initial romantic attraction. Psychological Science.
- eharmony UK, “What is the Compatibility Quiz?”.
- Parship UK, “The Parship principle”.