When should you travel to meet someone you met online?

You’ve been messaging someone for weeks. You’ve spoken on the phone, perhaps had a few video calls, and you really like them. There’s just one problem: they live a few hours away, at the other end of the country or in another country altogether. At some point, one of you will need to travel. But when is the right time, and how do you do it safely?

This guide is for people over 40 and 50 in the UK who are thinking about travelling to meet someone they met online, or who’ve been asked to. It covers how to tell whether it’s the right time, the checks to do first, how to plan a safe first meeting in another town, what to do if they’re travelling to you, extra considerations for meeting someone abroad, the red flags that suggest a scam, and how to share the costs fairly.

Why travelling to meet someone needs extra thought

Meeting someone from a dating app locally is fairly low-risk if you follow the usual safety rules. You meet in a public place, you know the area and you can leave easily. Travelling changes that:

• You’re in an unfamiliar place, perhaps without friends nearby.
• You may be relying on the other person for directions, transport or accommodation.
• You’ve invested time and money, which can make it harder to walk away if something feels wrong.
• Long-distance contacts are more likely to include scammers, who use distance as a reason never to meet or to ask for money.

None of this means you shouldn’t travel. Many long-distance relationships start this way. It just means planning carefully.

When is the right time?

There’s no set number of weeks, but most people find it sensible to travel only when these are all true:

• You’ve had several video calls, where you can clearly see the person’s face and they match their photos.
• You’ve spoken on the phone and their voice and manner are consistent.
• Their story adds up. Their job, family, location and history are consistent across conversations, and they’re happy to share ordinary details such as where they work or live in general terms.
• They’re happy to meet. Genuine people usually want to meet in person reasonably soon.
• You feel ready, rather than pressured.
• There have been no requests for money or financial help of any kind.

If they refuse video calls, their camera is always “broken”, or calls are always blurry or short, don’t travel. Our guide to video calls before meeting explains why this step matters so much.

Could you meet halfway first?

For UK long-distance matches, meeting halfway, in a town with good transport links, is often a good first step. Neither of you is on the other’s home ground, and both of you can get home easily.

Checks to do before you travel

A few simple checks can give you more confidence.

• Reverse image search their profile photos to check they’re not stolen from someone else. Our guide to spotting a fake dating profile explains how.
• Look them up online, for example on social media or professional networking sites, to see if their story matches.
• Check their details are consistent, such as their name, job and town.
• Talk to a friend about the person and your plans. Friends can spot things we miss when we’re excited.

Planning a safe first meeting in another town

Accommodation

• Book your own accommodation, such as a hotel or guesthouse, and pay for it yourself.
• Don’t stay at their home on a first visit, however lovely they seem.
• Don’t share your room number until you know them well.

Transport

• Arrange your own transport there and back, rather than relying on them to collect you.
• Have a return ticket or a clear way to get home early if you want to.
• Know how to get a taxi or public transport from where you’re meeting to where you’re staying.

Where to meet

• Meet in a busy public place, such as a cafe, restaurant, museum or town centre.
• Plan daytime activities for the first meeting.
• Avoid going somewhere isolated or to their home until you know them better.

Tell someone

• Share your plans with a friend, including the person’s name, profile, photos, where you’re staying and when you expect to be home.
• Arrange to check in, for example a message at a set time.
• Consider sharing your live location with a trusted friend while you’re away.

Money and phone

• Take your own money and a bank card.
• Keep your phone charged and take a portable charger.
• Keep some emergency money separate from your purse or wallet.

Keep it short

A day trip or a weekend is plenty for a first meeting. If it goes well, you can plan a longer visit next time.

Our first date safety guide has more practical advice for meeting someone new.

If they’re travelling to you

If the other person is coming to your area, many of the same principles apply in reverse.

• Don’t host them at your home on a first visit. Suggest they book a hotel.
• Meet in public places and plan activities you’re comfortable with.
• Tell a friend who you’re meeting, where and when.
• Don’t pay for their travel or accommodation before you’ve met. Genuine people are generally happy to pay their own way for a first visit.
• Keep your home address private until you know them well.

Meeting someone abroad

Travelling to another country to meet someone you’ve met online carries extra risks, and it’s worth being especially cautious.

Before you go

• Check the FCDO travel advice on GOV.UK for the country you’re visiting, including safety, entry requirements and local laws.
• Check local laws and customs, particularly if they differ from the UK, for example on relationships, dress or alcohol. In some countries, same-sex relationships are illegal.
• Get travel insurance that covers your age, any health conditions and the activities you plan.
• Check your passport and any visa requirements well in advance.
• Book your own flights and accommodation, and keep your return flight booked.
• Save useful numbers, including the nearest British embassy or consulate, and your insurer’s emergency line.
• Tell family or friends your full itinerary.

While you’re there

• Stay somewhere public and reputable, booked by you.
• Keep your passport and money secure, and don’t hand your passport to anyone.
• Meet in public places until you’re confident.
• Be wary of being isolated, for example being taken to a remote location or having your phone or documents taken.
• Keep in regular contact with someone at home.

If things go wrong

If you’re in trouble abroad, contact local emergency services and the nearest British embassy or consulate. The FCDO can provide consular assistance to British nationals abroad. GOV.UK explains what help is available.

Talk of visas, marriage or moving

If a relationship with someone overseas develops, questions about visas, marriage or moving countries may come up. These are serious legal matters. For information, GOV.UK explains UK visa and immigration rules, and for advice about your situation, speak to a qualified immigration adviser or solicitor. Be cautious if someone raises marriage or visas very early in a relationship.

Red flags that suggest a scam

Romance scammers often use distance as part of the story. Be very cautious if someone:

• asks you to pay for their flights, visa, travel documents or “fees” so they can visit you
• says they’ve been stopped at customs or an airport and need money to be released
• cancels at the last minute because of an emergency that needs money
• insists you travel to them, especially abroad, while never offering to come to you
• asks you to bring cash, gifts or packages for someone else
• refuses video calls, or always has an excuse
• says they’re working overseas, in the military, on an oil rig, or as a doctor or engineer abroad, and can’t meet for that reason
• asks you to keep the relationship secret

If anyone asks you for money before you’ve met, don’t send it, however convincing the reason. If you’re worried you’ve been targeted, call your bank on 159 and report it to Report Fraud on 0300 123 2040 (England, Wales and Northern Ireland) or Police Scotland on 101. Our guides to romance scam messages and military romance scams describe common patterns.

Never carry things for someone else

Be extremely wary of any request to carry a parcel, bag or gift through an airport for someone you’ve met online, or for their friends or family. People have been drawn into smuggling this way without knowing what they were carrying.

A simple check-in plan with a friend

Telling a friend you’re going is only useful if they know what to do. A short, agreed plan makes it work.

1. Before you leave, send your friend the person’s name, a screenshot of their profile, their phone number, where you’re meeting and where you’re staying.
2. On arrival, message to say you’ve arrived safely.
3. During the meeting, agree a check-in time, such as two hours after you meet.
4. Agree a code phrase that means “call me with an excuse to leave”.
5. At the end of the day, message to say you’re back at your accommodation.
6. Agree what your friend should do if they don’t hear from you, such as calling you, then calling your hotel, then contacting the police.

Driving long distances to meet

If you’re driving rather than taking the train, a few extra points apply.

• Plan for daylight driving where possible, especially if you find night driving difficult. Our guide to accessible dating covers not driving at night.
• Build in breaks on long journeys, and don’t plan to drive home late after a long day.
• Park in a well-lit, public car park, rather than outside their home.
• Don’t drink and drive. If you’d like a drink, plan to stay overnight in your own accommodation.
• Keep your car keys with you, so you can leave whenever you choose.

Travelling with health or mobility needs

If you have a health condition or limited mobility, plan the practical side carefully.

• Choose accommodation and venues with step-free access and accessible toilets if needed.
• Take any medication you need, plus a little extra in case of delays.
• Book assistance for train travel if it would help. National Rail’s Passenger Assist can be booked up to two hours before your journey.
• Tell your date about any practical needs in advance, so plans suit you both.

Our guide to dating with a health condition or disability covers what to share and when.

Telling family

Adult children and other relatives sometimes worry when a parent travels to meet someone they met online, particularly after hearing about romance scams. It can help to:

• tell them who you’re meeting and where
• explain the safety steps you’re taking
• agree that someone will hear from you during the trip

Their concern usually comes from care. If they raise worries about the person, it’s worth listening, even if you don’t agree.

Sharing the cost of travel

Travel can be expensive, especially for long-distance relationships. Some approaches couples use:

• Each pays their own way for the first visits.
• Take turns travelling, so the cost and effort balance out.
• Meet halfway to share the travel.
• The person who travels pays for transport, while the host pays for meals or activities.

What matters is that it feels fair to both of you, and that no one feels pressured. Paying your own way for early visits also protects you from misunderstandings. Our guide to who pays on a first date covers the etiquette more widely.

Your second visit

If the first meeting goes well, the second visit is often longer, perhaps a weekend. It’s still reasonable to keep your own accommodation until you feel you know the person well. Some people move to staying at each other’s homes after several visits, once they’ve met the person’s friends or family and feel confident in them. There’s no set timetable, so go at a pace that feels comfortable and safe.

If the first meeting doesn’t go well

Sometimes the chemistry you felt online doesn’t translate in person. That’s disappointing, especially after a long journey, but it’s common.

• You don’t have to stay for the whole planned visit. It’s fine to leave early politely.
• Be honest but kind: “I’ve enjoyed meeting you, but I don’t think we’re quite right for each other.”
• Have a plan for getting home early, or something else to do in the area.
• If you feel unsafe at any point, leave, go somewhere public and call 999 if needed.

If it goes well

If you get on well, you may start planning more visits. Our guide to long-distance dating after 50 covers how couples keep a long-distance relationship going, including how often to visit, sharing costs and whether one of you might eventually move.

A travel checklist

Before you go	While you’re there	Afterwards
Several video calls	Meet in public places	Check in with your friend
Reverse image search photos	Stay in your own accommodation	Reflect on how you felt
Friend knows your plans	Keep phone charged	Plan the next step, or end it kindly
Own accommodation booked	Keep money and documents secure	Report anything suspicious
Own transport and return ticket	Leave if anything feels wrong
FCDO advice and insurance if abroad	Stay in touch with someone at home

Frequently asked questions

How long should I talk to someone before travelling to meet them?

There’s no fixed time, but travel only after several video calls, when their story adds up and you feel ready.

Should I stay with them on the first visit?

It’s safer to book your own accommodation for the first visit, even if they offer.

Is it safe to travel abroad to meet someone from a dating site?

It can be, with careful planning. Check FCDO travel advice, book your own travel and accommodation, tell someone your plans, and be very wary of any request for money.

They’ve asked me to pay for their plane ticket. Is that normal?

It’s a common scam tactic. Don’t send money for travel, visas or fees to someone you haven’t met.

What if they want me to come to them but never visit me?

Be cautious. Genuine people are usually willing to travel too, or to meet halfway.

Should I meet halfway?

Meeting halfway is often a good option for a first meeting within the UK. It’s fair, and you’re both on neutral ground.

Related guides

• Long-distance relationships between the UK and abroad
• Long-distance dating after 50
• Video calls before meeting
• How to spot a fake dating profile
• Romance scam messages
• First date safety
• Who pays on a first date after 50?

Sources

• GOV.UK, Foreign travel advice and consular support for British nationals abroad (FCDO).
• Report Fraud and UK Finance, romance fraud guidance and the 159 service.
• Police Scotland, reporting fraud.
• Hearts Again editorial research on long-distance dating and safety.