Living Apart Together After 50: A Complete Guide

More and more couples in later life are choosing to be fully committed to each other without moving in together. This is known as “living apart together”, or LAT. If you’ve met someone special but can’t imagine giving up your own home, your routines or your independence, it may be exactly what you’re looking for.

This guide explains what LAT is, how common it is in the UK, why it appeals after 50, the benefits and the drawbacks, how often LAT couples typically see each other, the practical arrangements to agree, money, wills and legal considerations, health and care in later life, LAT after divorce or bereavement, how to explain it to family, and how to decide whether it’s right for you.

General information, not legal or pensions advice

This guide explains how things generally work in the UK so you know what to ask. It is not advice about your situation, and Hearts Again is not a law firm, financial adviser or healthcare provider. Rules differ between England, Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland and can change. Before you make any decision, speak to a qualified professional:

a solicitor, for example through the Law Society (England and Wales), the Law Society of Scotland or the Law Society of Northern Ireland, or Citizens Advice for free initial guidance
your pension scheme administrator, MoneyHelper pensions guidance (including Pension Wise for people aged 50+), or the Pension Service about the State Pension

The short answer

Living apart together means a committed relationship where each partner keeps their own home.
Around one in ten couples in the UK live apart, and for people over 60 forming new relationships, it's far more common than moving in together.
It can protect independence, finances and family arrangements, while still giving you closeness and companionship.
It works best when you're both clear about expectations: how often you see each other, holidays, money and care.
Living apart gives you no automatic legal rights as a couple, so wills and powers of attorney matter.
Many couples start LAT and review it over time. It doesn't have to be forever.

What does “living apart together” mean?

A LAT couple is in a steady, committed relationship, but each partner has their own home. You might spend weekends together, holiday together and see each other several times a week, yet still go home to your own house.

It isn’t a halfway stage or a lack of commitment. For many couples, it’s the long-term plan. Some LAT couples are married but choose separate homes; most are unmarried.

LAT by choice and by circumstance

By choice: both partners prefer to keep their own homes, for independence, family or financial reasons.
By circumstance: one partner works away, cares for a parent, has children at home, or lives in a care home, so living together isn’t practical.

This guide mainly focuses on LAT by choice, which is increasingly common among people over 50.

How common is it?

More common than many people realise. Research from UCL and Lancaster University, using the UK Household Longitudinal Study, found that around 10% of heterosexual couples in the UK live in different households, and around 4% of people over 60 are in LAT relationships. For single people over 60 who start a new relationship, LAT is by far the most common choice. For older women it’s around ten times more likely than moving in together or marrying; for older men, around ten times more likely than marriage and nearly 20 times more likely than cohabitation.

Why it appeals after 50

Independence. You’ve built a life, a home and routines you love, and you don’t want to give them up.
Your own space. Different sleep patterns, tidiness, hobbies, TV habits or pets matter less when you’re not under one roof.
Family. Adult children, grandchildren or your late partner’s family may feel more settled if homes and inheritances stay separate.
Money and property. Keeping your own home can make finances simpler and avoids complicated questions about who owns what.
Having been through a split before. Many people who’ve experienced divorce prefer not to tie everything together again.
Keeping the spark. Some couples say time apart makes time together feel more special.
Friendships and community. Staying in your own area keeps you close to friends, neighbours and activities.

The same UCL research found that LAT relationships offered similar mental health benefits to marriage or living together, with smaller downsides if the relationship ended. It also suggested LAT may be a more equal arrangement for older women, who are less likely to take on a disproportionate share of housework and care.

The possible downsides

Two sets of costs. Two homes mean two sets of bills, council tax, insurance and upkeep.
Travel. If you live far apart, the back-and-forth can become tiring, and more so as you get older.
Less spontaneity. Seeing each other usually needs planning.
Feeling like a guest. Some people find they never quite relax in the other person’s home.
Other people’s assumptions. Friends or family may not see it as “serious”.
Care in later life. If one of you becomes ill, living apart can make caring harder. It’s worth talking about this early.
Legal status. Living apart gives you no automatic legal rights as a couple. See below.
Loneliness on the days apart, especially if one of you would prefer more time together.

How often do LAT couples see each other?

There’s no standard pattern. Common arrangements include:

Weekends together, weekdays apart.
Several evenings a week, with some nights at each other’s homes.
Longer stays of a few days at a time, alternating homes.
Holidays together, with day-to-day lives kept separate.

What matters is that you both feel the balance is right. It’s common for one partner to want a little more time together than the other, so it’s worth talking about openly, and reviewing from time to time.

Practical arrangements to agree

LAT works best when you’re both clear and honest about expectations. Useful things to discuss:

How often you’d like to see each other, and whether weekends are shared.
Keys and belongings. Whether you keep a toothbrush, clothes or a key at each other’s homes.
Holidays, Christmas and family occasions: together, apart or alternating.
Who pays for what when you’re together.
Travel: who drives, and how you share the cost.
Pets: where they live and who looks after them.
Friends: whether you socialise together, separately or both.
What happens if one of you needs care or support.
Whether you both see this as long-term, or whether one of you hopes to move in eventually.

Money

Money is often simpler in a LAT relationship, but it still needs discussion.

Everyday costs. Many couples take turns paying for meals and outings, or split costs. If incomes are very different, a proportional approach can feel fairer.
Holidays and big purchases. Agree how you’ll share these before booking.
Travel costs. If one partner does most of the travelling, you might share fuel or train costs.
Keep finances separate unless you both actively want to combine anything, such as a joint account for shared expenses.
Be wary of lending or borrowing large sums early in a relationship.

Wills and legal rights

Because you don’t live together, and may not be married, the law generally treats you as two individuals.

Wills. Without a will, a partner you don’t live with or aren’t married to is unlikely to inherit anything automatically. A solicitor can explain how a will could provide for them.
Powers of attorney. Lasting powers of attorney (in England and Wales) and powers of attorney (in Scotland) let a person you choose help if you’re unwell. Many LAT couples appoint an adult child, a partner or both. GOV.UK, the Office of the Public Guardian or a solicitor can explain how they work.
Next of kin. Hospitals usually involve family, but you can tell them who you’d like involved. It helps to have this written down.
Property. Keeping homes separate usually keeps ownership simple.
Pensions. Some pension schemes let you nominate a partner to receive benefits if you die. Your scheme can tell you its rules.

Health and care in later life

One of the biggest questions for LAT couples is what happens if one of you becomes ill or needs care. It’s worth talking about early, before it becomes urgent.

Who would you want to help? Your partner, your children, professional carers or a mix?
Would you consider moving in together if one of you needed support?
How far apart do you live? A long drive may become harder over time.
Do your families know your wishes?

There’s no right answer. But having the conversation means that, if the time comes, you’re both prepared.

LAT after divorce or bereavement

LAT is particularly popular with people who have been divorced or widowed.

After divorce, it can let you enjoy a new relationship without the risk of another complicated separation of homes and finances.
After bereavement, it can protect memories and family relationships, avoid decisions about the family home, and give you space for grief alongside a new relationship.
For both, it can protect children’s inheritances and keep family arrangements clear.

Our guides on dating after divorce and dating after bereavement have more on starting again.

Explaining it to family and friends

Some people may not understand why you don’t live together. It can help to explain simply:

“We’re very happy together. We both love our homes and our independence, so this works for us.”
“We see each other most weekends and go on holiday together. It suits us both.”

Adult children are often reassured by LAT, especially if they were worried about inheritance or the family home.

Three LAT couples

These couples are written by us to illustrate common arrangements. They’re not real people.

Ann and Michael: weekends together

Ann, 64, is widowed and lives near her daughter and grandchildren in Stockport. Michael, 67, is divorced and lives 40 minutes away. They spend most weekends together, alternating homes, and go on two holidays a year. Weekdays are for Ann’s grandchildren and Michael’s golf and volunteering. They’ve both updated their wills to protect their children’s inheritance, and each has named the other as someone to involve if they’re ever in hospital.

Deborah and Raj: nearby and flexible

Deborah, 58, and Raj, 61, live ten minutes apart in the same town. They see each other most days, often eat together and sometimes stay over, but keep their own homes. Deborah’s teenage son still lives with her, and Raj likes his quiet routine. They’ve agreed to review things when Deborah’s son leaves home.

Pat and Colin: long distance

Pat, 70, lives in Devon and Colin, 72, in Somerset. They see each other every other week for three or four days, and talk every evening by video call. They’ve discussed what would happen if either needed care, and agreed they’d look at moving closer together if travel became too difficult.

What they share: clear expectations, regular conversations about how it’s working, and practical arrangements agreed in advance.

Moving from living apart to living together, or back again

LAT doesn’t have to be permanent. Circumstances change: retirement, health, children leaving home, or simply wanting more time together. Some couples move in together after several years apart; others try living together and decide they preferred separate homes.

If you’re considering a change:

Try a longer stay first, such as a few weeks together, before making permanent changes.
Talk about practicalities: whose home, what happens to the other, how you’ll share costs.
Take legal advice before selling property, moving into a partner’s home or marrying.
Ask a solicitor whether your wills and powers of attorney still reflect your wishes.
Talk to your families.

It’s also fine to move back to living apart if living together doesn’t suit you. It doesn’t have to mean the relationship is ending.

Habits that help LAT work

Regular contact between visits, whether a daily call, messages or video chats.
Shared plans to look forward to, such as holidays, days out or events.
Respect for each other’s space, including time with friends and family.
Flexibility, especially when one of you is unwell or going through a difficult time.
Honest check-ins every few months: is the balance still right for both of you?
Making each other’s homes welcoming, so neither feels like a guest.

Is it right for you?

It might suit you if you:

value your independence and your own home
have established routines, friends and communities where you live
want closeness without merging everything
want to keep finances and inheritance simple
have been through a difficult separation before

It may be less suitable if you:

hope to share daily life
live very far apart
are likely to need regular care soon
find the time apart lonely

Many couples start living apart and decide later. There’s no need to settle it on a first date.

For a comparison of the options, see should you remarry after 50?

Conversations to have: a checklist

If you’re in, or considering, a LAT relationship, these are the conversations that make the biggest difference. You don’t need to have them all at once.

In the first few months:

How often would we each like to see each other?
Where will we usually spend time: my home, yours or both?
How will we share costs when we’re together?

As things become more serious:

How will we spend Christmas, birthdays and family occasions?
Would we go on holiday together, and how would we pay?
When would we introduce each other to our families?

For the longer term:

Do we both see this as permanent, or might we want to live together one day?
Have we made wills that reflect our wishes?
Have we arranged powers of attorney?
What would we want to happen if one of us needed care?
Would we consider moving closer to each other as we get older?

Coming back to these questions every so often helps make sure the arrangement still works for both of you.

Dating with LAT in mind

If you already know you’d prefer to keep your own home, it can help to say so early, on your profile or in the first few dates. It saves time for both of you if someone else is hoping to move in together. You might write: “I love my home and my independence, and I’d like to share my life with someone special without giving either up.” See how to write a dating profile after 50.

Frequently asked questions

Is living apart together a “real” relationship?

Yes. Commitment isn’t about sharing an address. Many LAT couples are together for decades.

Do LAT couples get married?

Some do, while keeping separate homes. Others stay unmarried.

What if one of us wants to move in?

Talk about it honestly. Some couples compromise, for example by spending more time together or trying a longer stay first.

Can we have a joint pet or holiday home?

Yes, but agree ownership and responsibilities clearly, and consider writing them down.

What happens to my home if my partner dies?

Nothing changes to your own home. But if you want your partner to inherit from you, or vice versa, that’s normally done through wills, which a solicitor can help with.

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Sources

Coulter, R. and Hu, Y., study of living apart together relationships in later life, *Journal of Family Issues* (2024), using the UK Household Longitudinal Study (reported by UCL News, December 2024).