Vaginal dryness is one of the most common physical changes women experience later in life, and one of the least discussed. For many women, it starts around the menopause. For others, it follows cancer treatment, a hysterectomy or taking certain medicines. It can cause soreness, itching and discomfort during sex. And when you’re dating again after a divorce, a bereavement or a long time on your own, it can add a layer of worry to an already nerve-wracking part of a new relationship.
The NHS describes vaginal dryness as a common problem that many women have at some point. It can often be helped. This guide looks at vaginal dryness in the context of dating and new relationships: why it happens, how it can affect confidence and intimacy, how to talk to a new partner, and where to get help. It’s not medical advice. If you’re experiencing vaginal dryness, please speak to a GP, pharmacist, practice nurse or sexual health clinic.
General information, not medical advice
This guide explains how things generally work in the UK so you know what to ask. It is not advice about your situation, and Hearts Again is not a law firm, financial adviser or healthcare provider. Rules differ between England, Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland and can change. Before you make any decision, speak to a qualified professional:
- your GP, a pharmacist or NHS 111 (Scotland: NHS inform or 111). In an emergency, call 999
- a sexual health clinic (find one on the NHS website), your GP, a pharmacist or NHS 111
The short answer
- Vaginal dryness is common, especially around and after the menopause. It can also be linked to some medicines, cancer treatments, a hysterectomy and some health conditions.
- It can cause soreness, itching, discomfort during sex, needing to pee more often and repeated urinary infections.
- The NHS suggests self-help options such as water-based lubricants, vaginal moisturisers and avoiding perfumed soaps. These can usually be bought without a prescription.
- If dryness is caused by hormonal changes, a GP may discuss hormone treatments. Since 2022, one low-dose vaginal oestrogen tablet has been available from pharmacies, after a consultation, for some women aged 50 and over.
- You don't have to explain your health to a new partner, but many women find a brief conversation before or soon after becoming intimate makes things much easier.
- See a GP if dryness lasts more than a few weeks, affects your daily life, or you have unusual discharge or bleeding.
Why vaginal dryness happens
The NHS lists several possible causes of vaginal dryness, including:
| Cause | Examples |
|---|---|
| Hormonal changes | The menopause, pregnancy or breastfeeding |
| Medicines | Some hormonal contraceptives and antidepressants |
| Surgery | A hysterectomy, especially if the ovaries are removed |
| Cancer treatment | Chemotherapy, radiotherapy, hormone therapy or surgery |
| Health conditions | Including diabetes and Sjögren’s syndrome |
| Products | Perfumed soaps, washes or douches |
| Arousal | Not feeling aroused during sex |
For women dating after 50, the menopause is the most common reason. Falling levels of oestrogen can make the tissues of the vagina thinner, drier and less elastic. Some health professionals call this genitourinary syndrome of menopause, or vaginal atrophy.
Symptoms
According to the NHS, symptoms can include:
- Soreness or itching in or around the vagina
- Pain or discomfort during sex
- Needing to pee more often
- Repeated urinary tract infections
- Unusual discharge, spotting or bleeding
Some of these symptoms can have other causes, which is why it’s important to see a GP if you’re worried, especially if you have bleeding after sex or after the menopause.
How it can affect dating and confidence
Vaginal dryness can affect more than your body. Women commonly describe:
- Worrying about sex before a relationship has even started
- Avoiding intimacy, or ending relationships as they become physical
- Feeling embarrassed or “past it”
- Assuming they’re the only one, when in fact it’s very common
- Pain during sex, which can make them dread it
- Losing interest in sex, partly because it’s become uncomfortable
After a long marriage, some women had already noticed changes but never talked about them. After a bereavement or divorce, starting a sexual relationship with someone new can bring worries to the surface. And because dryness can make sex painful, anxiety and discomfort can feed off each other.
None of this means you can’t enjoy a fulfilling sex life. Many women find that once they get the right help and talk to a partner, things improve significantly.
Self-help options
The NHS suggests several things you can try yourself. Most can be bought from pharmacies and supermarkets without a prescription:
- Water-based lubricants, used before or during sex, on yourself, your partner or a sex toy
- Vaginal moisturisers, which are used regularly, not just during sex, to help keep the vagina moist
- Unperfumed soaps and washes around the vagina
- Spending more time on foreplay, and trying different types of touch
The NHS advises avoiding perfumed soaps, washes and douches, and using creams or lotions that aren’t designed for use in the vagina, as these can make irritation worse.
A pharmacist can talk you through the options in confidence, and can tell you whether a product is suitable, for example if you use condoms, as some lubricants aren’t compatible with them.
Medical treatments
If self-help doesn’t help, or your symptoms are caused by hormonal changes, a GP may talk to you about treatment. According to the NHS, this may include oestrogen treatments such as creams, gels, patches or tablets, which are a form of hormone replacement therapy (HRT). HRT isn’t suitable for everyone, so it’s important to talk to a doctor.
Vaginal oestrogen from a pharmacy
In July 2022, the Medicines and Healthcare products Regulatory Agency (MHRA) announced that one low-dose vaginal oestrogen tablet, Gina 10 microgram, could be sold from pharmacies without a prescription. It’s available for women aged 50 and over who haven’t had a period for at least a year, after a consultation with a pharmacist, who decides whether it’s suitable. If it isn’t right for you, the pharmacist may suggest you see your GP.
Only a health professional can tell you which treatment is right for you. Please don’t start or change treatment without advice, especially if you’ve had breast cancer or another hormone-sensitive condition.
When to see a GP
The NHS advises seeing a GP if:
- Vaginal dryness lasts more than a few weeks, and self-help isn’t working
- It’s affecting your daily life
- You have unusual discharge
- You have bleeding after sex, between periods or after the menopause
You can also see a practice nurse, or visit a sexual health clinic. If you’d feel more comfortable seeing a female doctor or nurse, you can ask.
Talking to your GP
Many women feel embarrassed raising vaginal symptoms. It may help to:
- Write down your symptoms and how long you’ve had them
- Say it plainly at the start, for example “I’ve been having vaginal dryness and it’s making sex painful”
- Mention any medicines you take and any history of cancer
- Ask about all the options, including self-help, hormone treatments and referral if needed
GPs and nurses talk about these symptoms regularly.
Lubricants and moisturisers: what’s the difference?
People sometimes confuse lubricants and vaginal moisturisers, but they do different jobs.
| Product | How it’s generally used |
|---|---|
| Lubricant | Applied just before or during sex to reduce friction and discomfort |
| Vaginal moisturiser | Used regularly, for example every few days, to help with dryness day to day |
Lubricants come in different types, including water-based, silicone-based and oil-based. The NHS suggests water-based lubricants. Some lubricants aren’t compatible with condoms or certain sex toys, so check the packaging or ask a pharmacist. Some women find that certain products irritate them, and it can take some trial and error to find what suits you. A pharmacist can advise on options, including products designed for sensitive skin.
Menopause, dating and your wider health
Vaginal dryness is often one of several menopause symptoms. Others can include hot flushes, night sweats, sleep problems, low mood, anxiety and reduced interest in sex. All of these can affect how you feel about dating. If you’re experiencing several symptoms, it may help to talk to your GP about the menopause more broadly, not just about vaginal symptoms. Some women find general HRT helps with a range of symptoms, while others prefer or need other approaches. Only a health professional can advise on what’s right for you.
You don’t need to explain your menopause symptoms to a date. But as a relationship develops, some women find it helps to be open about things like night sweats or poor sleep, especially before staying over.
Talking to a new partner
You don’t have to explain your health history on a first date, or ever, if you don’t want to. But many women find that a brief, honest conversation before or soon after becoming intimate takes a lot of pressure off.
When to raise it
It may help to talk about it:
- When you’re both relaxed, not in the middle of being intimate
- When the relationship feels like it’s heading towards sex
- After a first time that was uncomfortable, so your partner understands
What you might say
You could say something like:
- “I want to be honest about something. Since the menopause, things can be a bit dry, so I like to take things slowly and use lubricant. It’s nothing to do with how I feel about you.”
- “I’d like to be intimate with you, but I sometimes find sex uncomfortable. Can we take our time?”
- “I’m seeing my GP about some menopause symptoms. In the meantime, I’d like us to go slowly.”
How partners may react
Many partners are understanding, especially later in life, when health changes are common. Some may have experienced the same thing with a previous partner. Men in particular may have their own worries, such as erection problems, and may be relieved that you’ve raised the subject. A kind partner won’t pressure you or make you feel bad.
If a partner dismisses your discomfort or pressures you to have sex that hurts, that’s a warning sign. You never have to have sex that’s painful or that you don’t want.
Making intimacy more comfortable
Many couples find that intimacy can be enjoyable even when dryness is an issue. It may help to:
- Take more time over foreplay and arousal
- Use plenty of lubricant, and reapply as needed
- Try different positions, where you have more control
- Communicate during sex, and stop or slow down if anything hurts
- Explore other kinds of intimacy, such as touch, massage and oral sex
- Use sex toys, if you’re both comfortable
Our guides to sex with a new partner after 50 and intimacy without sex after 50 have more ideas.
Sexual health
If you’re having sex with a new partner, it’s still important to think about sexual health. STIs can affect people of any age, and condoms help protect against them. Some women find that condoms can make dryness worse. If that’s an issue, a pharmacist or sexual health clinic can suggest suitable lubricants. Our guide to sexual health and STI testing explains how testing works in the UK.
Recurrent urinary infections can also be linked to vaginal changes after the menopause. If you keep getting UTIs, speak to your GP.
Low desire
Vaginal dryness and low desire often go together. If sex has been uncomfortable, it’s natural to feel less interested in it. Menopause, stress, tiredness and relationship worries can also affect desire. Our guide to low libido after 50 looks at this in more depth.
After cancer treatment
Some cancer treatments, such as chemotherapy, radiotherapy, surgery and hormone therapy, can cause vaginal dryness. Some women who’ve had breast cancer may be advised not to use certain hormone treatments. If you’ve had cancer, talk to your cancer team or GP before trying any treatment. Our guide to dating after cancer covers intimacy and body confidence after cancer.
If you haven’t had sex for a long time
Many women dating again after a long marriage, a bereavement or a period of being single haven’t had sex for some years. That can make the first time with a new partner feel daunting, especially if you’re aware of changes in your body.
It may help to:
- Talk to a GP or pharmacist beforehand, if you’re worried about dryness or discomfort
- Have lubricant to hand, so you don’t have to think about it in the moment
- Take things slowly, and let intimacy build over time rather than rushing
- Agree with your partner that you can stop or pause at any time
- Be kind to yourself if things don’t go perfectly the first time
Some women find that dilators, sometimes recommended by health professionals, can help after a long gap, after some cancer treatments or if sex has become painful. Ask your GP, practice nurse or a sexual health clinic whether this might be suitable for you. Our guide to sex with a new partner after 50 covers the emotional side of becoming intimate again.
Looking after your confidence
Vaginal dryness is a physical symptom, not a reflection of your attractiveness or worth. It may help to:
- Remember how common it is, and that many women your age experience it
- Get support, from a GP, pharmacist or menopause service
- Talk to friends you trust, who may have had similar experiences
- Focus on what you enjoy about intimacy and closeness
Our guide to feeling attractive again has wider ideas for building confidence.
Where to get information and support
- Your GP, practice nurse or pharmacist
- A sexual health clinic
- NHS menopause services, which some areas offer through GP referral
- Women’s Health Concern, the patient arm of the British Menopause Society
- Relate, Relationships Scotland or Relate NI, for relationship and sex therapy
- The College of Sexual and Relationship Therapists (COSRT), to find an accredited sex therapist
Common situations
“I haven’t had sex since my husband died and I’m worried it will hurt”
That’s a common worry. Talking to a GP or pharmacist beforehand, using lubricant and taking things slowly can help.
“Sex with my new partner was painful and I felt embarrassed”
That’s very common. A brief conversation with your partner and a visit to your GP can make a big difference.
“I’m on HRT but still have dryness”
Some women need treatment for vaginal symptoms as well as general HRT. Talk to your GP.
“My partner thinks I’m not attracted to him”
Explaining that dryness is a physical symptom, not about him, can help.
“I’ve had breast cancer. Can I use vaginal oestrogen?”
Only your cancer team or GP can advise you. Please ask them before using any hormone treatment.
Frequently asked questions
Is vaginal dryness common after 50?
Yes. It’s especially common around and after the menopause.
What can I buy without a prescription?
Lubricants and vaginal moisturisers are widely available. Since 2022, one low-dose vaginal oestrogen tablet has been available from pharmacies for some women aged 50 and over, after a consultation.
Should I tell a new partner?
It’s your choice. Many women find a brief, honest conversation makes intimacy easier.
When should I see a GP?
If dryness lasts more than a few weeks, affects your daily life, or you have unusual discharge or bleeding.
Can vaginal dryness be treated?
Often, yes. A GP or pharmacist can talk you through the options.
Related guides
- Sex with a new partner after 50
- Low libido after 50
- Intimacy without sex after 50
- Sexual health and STI testing
- Erectile dysfunction and dating after 50
- Dating after cancer
Sources
- NHS, “Vaginal dryness”, nhs.uk.
- The Pharmaceutical Journal, “First HRT product in the UK to be made available without a prescription”, July 2022, reporting the MHRA reclassification of Gina 10 microgram vaginal tablets.
- Women’s Health Concern; British Menopause Society; Relate; COSRT.