Not every couple wants to spend every holiday together. One of you may love hiking while the other prefers a city break. One may be retired with time to travel, while the other is still working. One may want to visit family abroad, join a painting course in Tuscany or go on a girls’ or lads’ trip with old friends. In later-life relationships, where both partners often have well-established interests, friendships and independence, holidaying separately from time to time is increasingly common.
This guide looks at solo holidays and separate trips when you’re in a relationship: why couples choose them, the benefits and worries, how to raise the subject, how to agree on the details, what to do when health or caring means one of you can’t travel, and how to make sure separate trips strengthen your relationship rather than strain it.
The short answer
- Taking separate holidays is common and can be healthy, especially in later-life relationships where both partners have their own interests and friendships.
- Reasons include different interests, different energy levels, work and retirement timing, health, caring responsibilities and visiting family.
- Talking openly about why you want to travel separately helps avoid hurt feelings or misunderstanding.
- Agree on practical details, such as contact while you're away, costs and what you'll share when you're back.
- Separate holidays work best alongside time together, not instead of it.
- Jealousy or worry is normal, but secrecy, control or refusing to let a partner go are warning signs.
Why couples take separate holidays
Couples choose to travel separately for many reasons:
- Different interests. One partner wants a walking holiday, the other a beach or a cultural tour
- Different energy or fitness levels
- Work and retirement. One partner may have more free time than the other
- Health. One partner may not be able to travel far, fly or manage long days
- Caring responsibilities, for a parent, grandchildren or the other partner
- Family and friends. Visiting relatives abroad, or keeping up long-standing trips with friends
- Independence. Many people who’ve been divorced or widowed value time to themselves
- Living apart together. Couples who keep separate homes often keep some separate routines too
None of these reasons means a relationship is in trouble. For many couples, separate trips are simply part of a balanced life.
The benefits
Couples who take separate trips often mention:
- Pursuing passions without worrying whether a partner is enjoying it
- Keeping friendships alive
- Coming back refreshed, with new things to talk about
- Missing each other, which many find reassuring
- Respecting each other’s independence
- Less pressure to make every shared holiday please both people
Our guide to living apart together after 50 explores how couples balance independence and togetherness more broadly.
The worries
It’s also normal to feel uneasy about separate holidays, especially in a newer relationship. Common worries include:
- “Does it mean they don’t want to be with me?”
- Jealousy, especially if the trip involves people you don’t know, or an ex
- Loneliness while your partner is away
- Fairness, if one of you travels much more than the other
- Money, if separate trips stretch a shared budget
- Safety, especially for solo travel abroad
Naming these worries openly usually helps more than keeping them to yourself. Our guide to jealousy in a new relationship may help if jealousy is an issue.
How to raise the subject
If you’d like to take a trip without your partner, how you raise it can make a big difference.
- Explain why. “I’ve always wanted to do a walking holiday in the Lake District, and I know it’s not your thing”
- Reassure them. “It’s not about wanting time away from you. I’d love us to plan something together too”
- Invite their views. “How would you feel about that?”
- Be open to compromise, such as a shorter trip, or planning a joint holiday as well
If your partner raises the idea, try to listen with curiosity rather than assuming the worst. Ask what the trip means to them.
Our guide to communication in a new relationship after 50 has more on difficult conversations.
Agreeing the details
It can help to talk through:
| Topic | Questions to agree |
|---|---|
| Contact | How often will you call or message? Is a daily message reassuring, or too much? |
| Money | Who pays for what? How does this fit with shared costs and joint holidays? |
| Who’s going | Is it a solo trip, with friends, or an organised group? |
| Boundaries | What feels respectful to each of you, for example around socialising and drinking? |
| Home | Who looks after pets, plants or caring responsibilities while one of you is away? |
| Balance | Will you also plan time or a holiday together? |
There’s no right answer. What matters is that you both feel comfortable with what you’ve agreed.
Holidays with family and grandchildren
Many people over 50 spend some holidays with adult children and grandchildren. In a newer relationship, especially a blended one, it isn’t always clear whether a partner should come along. Some families welcome a new partner straight away. Others need time, or a parent may want some trips to remain just with their own children and grandchildren for a while.
It can help to:
- Talk about it before booking, so no one feels excluded at the last minute
- Explain the reasons, such as wanting time with grandchildren, or children needing time to adjust
- Agree on a plan for the future, such as including your partner in a shorter trip or a day out first
- Reassure your partner that it’s about family dynamics, not about them
Our guides to blending families after 50 and when your partner has grandchildren explore this in more depth.
Holidays together, but apart
Some couples find a middle way: travelling together, but spending part of each day doing different things. One might take a cookery class while the other hikes, then meet for dinner. Cruises, resort holidays and city breaks often lend themselves to this. It can give you the best of both worlds, shared evenings and memories, with the freedom to follow your own interests.
Other couples travel to the same area at different times, or one joins the other partway through a trip. Being flexible about what a “holiday together” looks like can take a lot of pressure off.
Types of solo or separate trips
- Holidays with friends, such as an annual trip with old school or university friends
- Family visits, such as seeing children or grandchildren who live far away, or relatives abroad
- Special interest holidays, such as walking, painting, cookery, photography or music
- Organised group or singles holidays, where you travel with a group of solo travellers. Our guide to singles holidays explains what they’re like, and many welcome people in relationships who are travelling alone
- Retreats, such as wellbeing, yoga or spiritual retreats
- Independent solo travel, planned entirely by you. Our guide to solo travel after 50 has practical tips
When one partner can’t travel
Sometimes separate holidays aren’t a choice but a necessity. One partner may have a health condition, mobility issues, or caring responsibilities that make travel difficult. This can bring guilt for the partner who travels and sadness or frustration for the one who stays.
It can help to:
- Talk honestly about how you both feel
- Arrange support for the partner at home, such as family, friends or paid care
- Keep in touch in ways that help the partner at home feel included, such as photos and calls
- Plan trips you can share, such as accessible day trips or UK breaks
If you’re a carer, organisations such as Carers UK offer information on breaks and respite. Our guides to dating with a health condition and keeping a relationship strong after 50 cover health and caring in relationships.
If you’re the partner staying at home
Being the one left behind can feel different from being the one who travels. Some people relish a week of peace and their own routine. Others feel lonely, anxious or a little left out. It can help to:
- Plan things for yourself while your partner is away, such as seeing friends, a day trip or a project you’ve been meaning to start
- Say what contact you’d like, rather than waiting and feeling disappointed
- Notice what you enjoy about time on your own
- Be honest if it’s harder than you expected, and talk about it when they’re home
If you find a partner’s trips consistently upsetting, it may be worth thinking about what’s behind the feeling. Sometimes it’s simply missing them. Sometimes it’s about trust, or about feeling that you never get a turn.
Money and fairness
Separate holidays can raise questions about money, especially if one partner earns or has more than the other, or if you share household costs.
- Agree whether separate trips come from personal or shared money
- Think about fairness over time, not just trip by trip
- Be open about costs, rather than hiding how much a trip cost
- Consider your shared plans, such as saving for a joint holiday or home improvements
Our guide to money in later-life relationships has more on talking about money as a couple.
Coming home well
The way you reconnect after time apart matters. A few things many couples find help:
- Plan something simple together for your return, such as a meal or a walk
- Share stories and photos, without making the other person feel they missed out
- Ask about their time too. What did they do while you were away?
- Allow a little time to readjust, especially after a long trip
- Say what you missed about each other
If an ex or an old flame is on the trip
Sometimes a group trip includes an ex-partner, for example a family holiday with grown-up children, or a long-standing trip with friends that includes someone you once dated. This can be a sensitive area. Being open about who will be there, and listening to your partner’s feelings, usually works better than leaving it unmentioned and having it come out later.
Questions to ask yourself
- Why do I want this trip? Is it about the destination, the people, or time away?
- How would I feel if my partner did the same?
- What would help my partner feel secure while I’m away?
- Are we still making time for holidays and experiences together?
Travelling separately when you live apart
If you and your partner live apart, separate holidays may feel very natural, as you already have your own homes and routines. But they can also leave you feeling disconnected if you don’t see each other often. It can help to:
- Plan a visit soon after a trip, so time apart doesn’t stretch too long
- Keep the other person in the loop about plans, rather than mentioning a trip after you’ve booked it
- Share a little of the trip while you’re away, if you’ve agreed that would be welcome
- Make sure joint plans happen too, so separate travel doesn’t become the only kind
Couples who live apart together often say that clear communication about plans is one of the things that makes the arrangement work.
Keeping the balance
Separate holidays usually work best as part of a mix:
- Plan time together too, such as a joint holiday, weekends away or regular days out
- Take turns, so one partner doesn’t always do the travelling
- Share the experience when you’re back, with photos and stories
- Notice if separate trips become a way of avoiding each other, and talk about it if so
Staying safe when travelling alone
- Share your itinerary with your partner and a friend
- Keep in touch as agreed
- Get suitable travel insurance, declaring any health conditions
- Keep copies of important documents
- Trust your instincts in unfamiliar places
Warning signs
Most couples who travel separately do so happily. But it’s worth paying attention if:
- A partner refuses to let you travel, or makes you feel guilty every time
- A partner checks up on you constantly while you’re away
- Trips are kept secret, or details don’t add up
- Separate holidays become a way of avoiding difficult issues in the relationship
Controlling behaviour is a serious concern. If a partner tries to restrict your movements, money or contact with others, the National Domestic Abuse Helpline (0808 2000 247) and the Men’s Advice Line (0808 801 0327) offer confidential support.
In a newer relationship
In the early months, separate holidays can feel more sensitive. You may not yet know each other’s friends, or feel secure enough to be apart for a week or two. It can help to:
- Explain your plans early, especially if the trip was booked before you met
- Introduce your partner to the friends you’re travelling with, if possible
- Keep in touch a little more than you might later on
- Plan something together soon after you return
What couples often say they value
People who take separate trips often describe similar benefits. They say it helps them keep a sense of who they are as individuals, not just as half of a couple. They come home with fresh stories and energy, and sometimes a new appreciation for their partner and their home. Many also say it reduces pressure on joint holidays, which no longer have to satisfy every interest both of them have. And for people who were in long marriages where they lost touch with their own friends or hobbies, separate trips can be a way of reclaiming part of themselves.
Common situations
“He wants to go on a golf trip with his friends every year”
That’s common, and often healthy. Agree how you’ll keep in touch, and plan something you’d both enjoy too.
“I want to visit my daughter in Australia, but my partner doesn’t want to fly”
A solo family visit is a common solution. Talk about how long you’ll be away and how you’ll stay in touch.
“She’s going on a singles holiday and I feel uneasy”
Many people in relationships go on singles holidays for the company and the convenience. Talk about your feelings calmly and ask what the trip means to her.
“My partner can’t travel because of his health”
Talk openly, arrange support at home, and look for trips you can share in other ways.
“We always argue about where to go on holiday”
A mix of separate trips and one shared holiday you both choose can take the pressure off.
“I feel guilty leaving my partner at home”
Guilt is common, especially if your partner can’t travel. Talking openly, arranging support and staying in touch can help you both feel better about it.
Frequently asked questions
Is it normal for couples to holiday separately?
Yes. Many couples, especially later in life, take some trips separately.
Does holidaying separately mean the relationship is in trouble?
Not usually. It’s often a sign of independent interests and trust. It can be a concern if it’s used to avoid problems.
How do I tell my partner I want to go on holiday without them?
Explain why, reassure them, ask how they feel and be open to compromise.
How often should we keep in touch while apart?
Whatever feels right for both of you. Agree it before you go.
What if my partner can’t travel?
Talk openly, arrange support at home, and plan shared trips that work for both of you.
When is it a warning sign?
If a partner tries to stop you travelling, checks up constantly, or trips are kept secret.
Related guides
- Living apart together after 50
- Solo travel after 50: where to start
- Singles holidays: what they’re really like
- How often should you see each other?
- When one of you is retired and the other works
- Jealousy in a new relationship
Sources
- Hearts Again editorial guidance on independence in later-life relationships; Carers UK; Refuge; Respect.